So I realized after be asked by 2 (of my whopping 9) followers of my blog why I am not writing anymore or if I started a new blog. The answer in my head was both yes and yes. Then I remembered I NEVER put the link to my new blog on her in case you want to keep following my (sometimes) nutty life!
The new blog is Happy.Healthy.Hot Mess and here is the link: http://healthyhappyhotmess.blogspot.com. I hope you follow me there! It is more upbeat and doesn't just focus on my recovery and struggles! Hope to see you there! Now off to read more "Fifty Shades"....can we say addiction!!
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Let's be honest
I have been on this mission to change for a few months now and have shared my journey on this blog. But, I know I haven't been completely honest with either myself or the people who read my blog. So honesty is the best policy and I had a couple of those aha moments that have let me to this post of honesty.
First, to put some things in perspective and be honest with myself I asked myself a few questions. Have I struggled with disordered eating? Yes. Do I struggle anymore? Some days yes but not as much. Do I use it as a crutch and a way to ignore my feelings? Why yes! Have I used it as a way to treat my body wrong, ignore what it's telling me and keeping myself in denial? Absolutely. Now, I realize I said I was OVER this disordered eating some time ago. But to be honest, I still held on to a bit of it. It was too comfortable and familiar. What or who was I with out it? It has just been a part of me for so long. So while I entered this journey with best intentions and leaving it behind, I still held on to it. Even through learning and discovering intuitive eating, I held on to it. It was just always there to some extent, part of my comfort zone. But tonight, this all came to a screeching halt.
This weekend Jeremy and I are attending a wedding of some friends. This led me into my closet to decide just what I want to wear. Now, I have to be honest again here since that's the theme. I have noticed clothes not fitting just right for some time now but ignored it. I made excuses or chalked it up to bloating or whatever I could think of. I would often keep myself in denial and just put on something more comfortable. But tonight I tried on dresses that, just last summer, fit just fine that tonight would not fit properly. At all. And that my friends was the breaking point.
I clearly have gained some weight. Now, I realize that I have changed my workout routine some and that has some effect on body mass and changes in different spots. I get that and I accept that. But this is applicable for every spot I am feeling this tightness in or seeing changes in, and not in a good way. Let me not fail to mention that I am working very hard, and sticking with lifting some weights, yet not seeing results I want. To be honest again made some excuses for the lack of results as well therefore keeping myself in denial. One fib I have been telling myself is that I have screwed up my metabolism, which I know I may have, but I think it's pretty much back on track. I just didn't want to face the fact that I was just plain not eating how I should. I was eating because I knew I could. Because I thought I needed it. Because I was bored. Because I was ignoring other things. I wasn't really listening to my body or my hunger cues for fullness. Even though I exercise like crazy, nutrition is a huge part. One that for the most part I watch most of the time, but often behind closed doors maybe I am not to watchful of. So all these realizations I have led me to my new plan of action.
I realize that most people around me will probably read this and think I am a bit crazy but I want everyone to see where I am coming from. As women, we all know our own bodies. We know when we are not happy with our own bodies, even if other people tell us we look fine. It is our body and our choice. If we want to change it, only we have the power. No one can change it for us. This is the exact point I am at in this moment. I realize most people don't or can't see that I have put on a few pounds. Some I know would probably say I needed a few extra pounds, and while they may feel that way, I don't feel the same. Now, I don't want to go back to where I was a few years back, far too thin and having pretty much everyone point it out. I just want to fit back into these clothes comfortably again. I want to feel confident in those clothes, and confident with my body because I have come to peace that this is MY body. That I am the one that can change it if it needs it that it's not ever going to look like someone elses body I admire. It's mine and I can make it into the best body for me, for me to admire my own body. Finally. For once.
So, to help me on this mission in the healthiest way possible I didn't turn to a therapist or nutritionist. I didn't start googling things. I turned to my Mom. As I have mentioned before Mom has lost about 50 pounds using Weight Watchers in the past year and a half or so. She really has done so awesome with it, she eats real food, exercises, still has fun (and has splurges) and has lost weight and gained confidence. Everything I am looking for. So, after going back and forth over text messages with Mom about how I felt and telling her I really did want to try Weight Watchers she agreed to help me. I immediately was excited. As she began described the plan to me, it all seems so easy. Really simple and not far from the way I eat now, but healthier. Actually probably eating a little more. Nothing is off limits, for real. Everything in moderation. Everything I guess I have realized before but never grasped. I have always pretty much gone to extremes where this food business is involved. If I think ONE thing is the problem, I cut it out completely....to binge on it later. But with this I can work everything in in a normal organized way. Which, if you know me, organization is key to me functioning properly! So, I know that Weight Watchers is the way to go. I have known for some time, but again denied it. I know that I don't have much weight to lose. But it's not all about losing the few pounds I want and having my clothes fit more properly. It is about learning and finally really embracing the healthy lifestyle. To not do it part time, like I pretty much always have when I have tried other ways of going about this, but to embrace it and do it for real.
With all that said, and me pretty much having laid everything out there, I also have come to another conclusion. As I mentioned in my last post. I have decided to close down this blog. This blog has been very therapeutic for the first part of this journey. But I want to put it behind me, especially now that I have reached this point of enlightenment this evening. So, Choosing to Change is dunzo as of tonight. But I do LOVE this blogging stuff and I want to be able to look back on the rest of my journey that begins now. I will be starting my new blog, Healthy.Happy.Hot Mess.
Now it's time to sign off here to step in my new healthy direction and I couldn't be more excited. Here we go.
First, to put some things in perspective and be honest with myself I asked myself a few questions. Have I struggled with disordered eating? Yes. Do I struggle anymore? Some days yes but not as much. Do I use it as a crutch and a way to ignore my feelings? Why yes! Have I used it as a way to treat my body wrong, ignore what it's telling me and keeping myself in denial? Absolutely. Now, I realize I said I was OVER this disordered eating some time ago. But to be honest, I still held on to a bit of it. It was too comfortable and familiar. What or who was I with out it? It has just been a part of me for so long. So while I entered this journey with best intentions and leaving it behind, I still held on to it. Even through learning and discovering intuitive eating, I held on to it. It was just always there to some extent, part of my comfort zone. But tonight, this all came to a screeching halt.
This weekend Jeremy and I are attending a wedding of some friends. This led me into my closet to decide just what I want to wear. Now, I have to be honest again here since that's the theme. I have noticed clothes not fitting just right for some time now but ignored it. I made excuses or chalked it up to bloating or whatever I could think of. I would often keep myself in denial and just put on something more comfortable. But tonight I tried on dresses that, just last summer, fit just fine that tonight would not fit properly. At all. And that my friends was the breaking point.
I clearly have gained some weight. Now, I realize that I have changed my workout routine some and that has some effect on body mass and changes in different spots. I get that and I accept that. But this is applicable for every spot I am feeling this tightness in or seeing changes in, and not in a good way. Let me not fail to mention that I am working very hard, and sticking with lifting some weights, yet not seeing results I want. To be honest again made some excuses for the lack of results as well therefore keeping myself in denial. One fib I have been telling myself is that I have screwed up my metabolism, which I know I may have, but I think it's pretty much back on track. I just didn't want to face the fact that I was just plain not eating how I should. I was eating because I knew I could. Because I thought I needed it. Because I was bored. Because I was ignoring other things. I wasn't really listening to my body or my hunger cues for fullness. Even though I exercise like crazy, nutrition is a huge part. One that for the most part I watch most of the time, but often behind closed doors maybe I am not to watchful of. So all these realizations I have led me to my new plan of action.
I realize that most people around me will probably read this and think I am a bit crazy but I want everyone to see where I am coming from. As women, we all know our own bodies. We know when we are not happy with our own bodies, even if other people tell us we look fine. It is our body and our choice. If we want to change it, only we have the power. No one can change it for us. This is the exact point I am at in this moment. I realize most people don't or can't see that I have put on a few pounds. Some I know would probably say I needed a few extra pounds, and while they may feel that way, I don't feel the same. Now, I don't want to go back to where I was a few years back, far too thin and having pretty much everyone point it out. I just want to fit back into these clothes comfortably again. I want to feel confident in those clothes, and confident with my body because I have come to peace that this is MY body. That I am the one that can change it if it needs it that it's not ever going to look like someone elses body I admire. It's mine and I can make it into the best body for me, for me to admire my own body. Finally. For once.
So, to help me on this mission in the healthiest way possible I didn't turn to a therapist or nutritionist. I didn't start googling things. I turned to my Mom. As I have mentioned before Mom has lost about 50 pounds using Weight Watchers in the past year and a half or so. She really has done so awesome with it, she eats real food, exercises, still has fun (and has splurges) and has lost weight and gained confidence. Everything I am looking for. So, after going back and forth over text messages with Mom about how I felt and telling her I really did want to try Weight Watchers she agreed to help me. I immediately was excited. As she began described the plan to me, it all seems so easy. Really simple and not far from the way I eat now, but healthier. Actually probably eating a little more. Nothing is off limits, for real. Everything in moderation. Everything I guess I have realized before but never grasped. I have always pretty much gone to extremes where this food business is involved. If I think ONE thing is the problem, I cut it out completely....to binge on it later. But with this I can work everything in in a normal organized way. Which, if you know me, organization is key to me functioning properly! So, I know that Weight Watchers is the way to go. I have known for some time, but again denied it. I know that I don't have much weight to lose. But it's not all about losing the few pounds I want and having my clothes fit more properly. It is about learning and finally really embracing the healthy lifestyle. To not do it part time, like I pretty much always have when I have tried other ways of going about this, but to embrace it and do it for real.
With all that said, and me pretty much having laid everything out there, I also have come to another conclusion. As I mentioned in my last post. I have decided to close down this blog. This blog has been very therapeutic for the first part of this journey. But I want to put it behind me, especially now that I have reached this point of enlightenment this evening. So, Choosing to Change is dunzo as of tonight. But I do LOVE this blogging stuff and I want to be able to look back on the rest of my journey that begins now. I will be starting my new blog, Healthy.Happy.Hot Mess.
Now it's time to sign off here to step in my new healthy direction and I couldn't be more excited. Here we go.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Starting Fresh
So I have been thinking, since this year is all about moving forward and letting go I need to let this blog, that focuses on some of my old issues, go as well. But I do not want to give up blogging. Because I do like it a lot. A whole lot. I am jealous of the lucky folks who get to do it for a living. But anyway, I am thinking I am going to shut down this blog and start a new one. Thinking of a good name is the hard part but I have a few in mind. My new blog will follow life with my husband and the pups and my attempt to live a healthy life full of fun, fitness, family, ups, downs and everything in between. Now on to choosing that new name...
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Getting There
Just a few days left until the St. Louis Cardinals Home OPENER!!! If you know me and my husband, the Cardinals home opener is our Christmas of sorts. It literally is one of the happiest days of the year in our household. We have gone every year since we have been together and this year is no different. At the beginning of the year we weren't sure we would be able to go because of Jeremy's schedule, but with all the changes and stuff it worked out perfectly for Opening Day attendance!! Friday is the big day, and we can't wait!!
On other fronts, I am still on my mission to change. I have to be honest that it has been hard at times to let this all go. But I do find myself more often than not getting out of the down periods quicker than I used to and focusing on health and the reason I started this journey, this year. I still struggle some days with it all, but I am lucky enough to have good support behind me in my husband and family. They don't realize how much that means! But enough with the sappy stuff.
I have about two weeks left in this half marathon training and I am ready for it to be here and DONE! I get this way every time I enter a half marathon, so it's expected, but I feel so close yet so far away. At least I have some baseball in there to distract me.
So remember if you are struggling with anything at all, no matter how big or small you think it is, to keep looking forward. Keep moving forward because that's the direction you are heading, a brighter, happier (and often healthier) future.
On other fronts, I am still on my mission to change. I have to be honest that it has been hard at times to let this all go. But I do find myself more often than not getting out of the down periods quicker than I used to and focusing on health and the reason I started this journey, this year. I still struggle some days with it all, but I am lucky enough to have good support behind me in my husband and family. They don't realize how much that means! But enough with the sappy stuff.
I have about two weeks left in this half marathon training and I am ready for it to be here and DONE! I get this way every time I enter a half marathon, so it's expected, but I feel so close yet so far away. At least I have some baseball in there to distract me.
So remember if you are struggling with anything at all, no matter how big or small you think it is, to keep looking forward. Keep moving forward because that's the direction you are heading, a brighter, happier (and often healthier) future.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
BASEBALL!!!
It is one of the happiest days of the year! MLB 2012 season began today!! First game Miami v. the 2011 WORLD SERIES CHAMPION ST. LOUIS CARDINALS!!!! And at this point the Cards are up 3-0!!! Have I mentioned before that the Dunham household bleeds red, HUGE Cardinals fans! Only 12 days left until we get to see them in action at the home opener!! WOO HOO!
The start of baseball just makes it feel like summer is around the corner and that thrills me! Other things that are thrilling me is the new blog I found. Peanut Butter Fingers. It's basically a healthy lifestyle blog but the writer is so realistic. Reading her blog really helps me chill out about all my food issues and worrying and such. She balances a healthy lifestyle realistically and it's rather refreshing. I encourage anyone who likes to read blogs to read that one!
Now, it's back to watching the Cardinals kick some Marlins butt! Go Cards!!!!
The start of baseball just makes it feel like summer is around the corner and that thrills me! Other things that are thrilling me is the new blog I found. Peanut Butter Fingers. It's basically a healthy lifestyle blog but the writer is so realistic. Reading her blog really helps me chill out about all my food issues and worrying and such. She balances a healthy lifestyle realistically and it's rather refreshing. I encourage anyone who likes to read blogs to read that one!
Now, it's back to watching the Cardinals kick some Marlins butt! Go Cards!!!!
 |
| Lucy and Emilio love the Cardinals too! |
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Productive Weekend & A Productive Product
It has been a beautiful weekend here and we got a TON accomplished! Friday night we had a nice dinner and some cocktails in St. Louis with my parents. Yesterday was house and yard straightening during the day and last night we headed to an early dinner in Alton followed by some cocktails. Today we ran some errands, watched a good movie and now getting ready to cook out in a bit! Love spring weekends!
What else I am loving right now is apple cider vinegar. Yup, vinegar. Let me explain. For years now I have dealt with a myriad of stomach issues. One that continues to plague me is bloating after eating. There were times when I would eat lunch or dinner and look like I was hiding a football under my shirt. There was no rhyme or reason to it, no food patters, nothing. Then, one day I was reading a blog post by Tosca Reno and she was discussing apple cider vinegar for bloat. I began to research it more, and how to use it. I was intrigued. The next day I headed up to Edwardsville to buy a bottle of the highly recommended Bragg's Apple Cider vinegar. The instructions for use for the purpose I was seeking was to take 1-2 teaspoons mixed with water before a meal. I tried my first dose that night. Now, it DOES not taste real pleasant but I sucked it down and I was immediately amazed! NO BLOATING after dinner! Since then I have continued to use it before every meal and have seen such an amazing difference! I can't believe that through all my attempts to cure my stomach ailments that the ONE thing that is really curing me is a $5 bottle of apple cider vinegar! That's it!!
So what I am getting at is that I am recommending this to ANYONE with stomach ailments, or as I have come to find out, anyone who wants to improve their health. I have done research on it and bought the Bragg Apple Cider Vinegar book and found that apple cider vinegar is good for a number of things. It can help your hair, your skin, your digestion, burns, scrapes. It's really a miracle elixir of sorts and I am on the bandwagon!! So, this is me touting apple cider vinegar to anyone who will listen. I will say it's not the most pleasant tasting drink but it works and the book also explains ways to make it more drinkable.
Have a good week everyone and pick up a bottle of Bragg Apple Cider Vinegar!!!
What else I am loving right now is apple cider vinegar. Yup, vinegar. Let me explain. For years now I have dealt with a myriad of stomach issues. One that continues to plague me is bloating after eating. There were times when I would eat lunch or dinner and look like I was hiding a football under my shirt. There was no rhyme or reason to it, no food patters, nothing. Then, one day I was reading a blog post by Tosca Reno and she was discussing apple cider vinegar for bloat. I began to research it more, and how to use it. I was intrigued. The next day I headed up to Edwardsville to buy a bottle of the highly recommended Bragg's Apple Cider vinegar. The instructions for use for the purpose I was seeking was to take 1-2 teaspoons mixed with water before a meal. I tried my first dose that night. Now, it DOES not taste real pleasant but I sucked it down and I was immediately amazed! NO BLOATING after dinner! Since then I have continued to use it before every meal and have seen such an amazing difference! I can't believe that through all my attempts to cure my stomach ailments that the ONE thing that is really curing me is a $5 bottle of apple cider vinegar! That's it!!
So what I am getting at is that I am recommending this to ANYONE with stomach ailments, or as I have come to find out, anyone who wants to improve their health. I have done research on it and bought the Bragg Apple Cider Vinegar book and found that apple cider vinegar is good for a number of things. It can help your hair, your skin, your digestion, burns, scrapes. It's really a miracle elixir of sorts and I am on the bandwagon!! So, this is me touting apple cider vinegar to anyone who will listen. I will say it's not the most pleasant tasting drink but it works and the book also explains ways to make it more drinkable.
Have a good week everyone and pick up a bottle of Bragg Apple Cider Vinegar!!!
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Few Days into 29!
I realized it's been a few days since I have blogged on here! My first few days of 29 have been pretty good. Had a good birthday that included drinks with co-workers, dinner with the family and I even got a brand new Coach purse! YAY! Then the weekend included a girl's night with some fabulous females and Sunday was brunch with my brother and his girlfriend followed by a viewing of The Hunger Games sans the brother. The movie was GOOD, I total fell into The Hunger Games fan club!!
Today was my first ten mile run of my half marathon. Not going to lie there were times I wanted to just be done, but I pushed through and felt really good at the end! I have to admit that both treating my body better, a/k/a feeding it more, and also letting GO of some of the negative thoughts has not only helped me in general but the running as well. Took a long time for me to get to this point, feels good to be here.
I have also started weight training on my own since I am not working with Susie anymore. I am following Jamie Eason's LiveFit Trainer program. I am not following it to a tee, because if I did the first four weeks do not include cardio, which can't happen while training for this half. So I am incorporating the strength training moves into my regular workouts. Turns out I CAN do strength training on my OWN and I LIKE it a lot. I owe a lot of that to Susie showing me what to do and how to do it properly as well as encouraging me to keep it up.
So, needless to say 29 is starting out as a pretty good year, sure hope it keeps up! I know it will in the near future because baseball season is RIGHT around the corner!! GO CARDS!!
Today was my first ten mile run of my half marathon. Not going to lie there were times I wanted to just be done, but I pushed through and felt really good at the end! I have to admit that both treating my body better, a/k/a feeding it more, and also letting GO of some of the negative thoughts has not only helped me in general but the running as well. Took a long time for me to get to this point, feels good to be here.
I have also started weight training on my own since I am not working with Susie anymore. I am following Jamie Eason's LiveFit Trainer program. I am not following it to a tee, because if I did the first four weeks do not include cardio, which can't happen while training for this half. So I am incorporating the strength training moves into my regular workouts. Turns out I CAN do strength training on my OWN and I LIKE it a lot. I owe a lot of that to Susie showing me what to do and how to do it properly as well as encouraging me to keep it up.
So, needless to say 29 is starting out as a pretty good year, sure hope it keeps up! I know it will in the near future because baseball season is RIGHT around the corner!! GO CARDS!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)