First Long Run!

     I did it! I ran 6.5 miles today and my knee held up and hasn't had many twinges since!! Now, I am not going to lie, during the run today I had thoughts about stopping, not because of any knee pain but because of how winded I was getting. However, about mile 4 my real runner's high kicked in and I felt I could keep going and going and I did. All the way until 6.5 miles were dunzo. I was so elated. I haven't run that far since maybe last May if that! So needless to say that gave me some inspiration to keep going and motivation to keep getting better and stronger.
     I have a Skype session scheduled tomorrow with my nutritionist that I am looking forward too. Not only just to get a little "tune up" in but also because this weekend we are planning to head to Bloomington and last time going there was a bit of a challenge for me. I am trying to look back on the last trip and remember thoughts I had and use these as motivation to keep from going there again. I know I am strong enough and can be in tune enough with myself, I just have to really put that to practice and I am really going to try. I am pretty excited for the trip overall though, as I always have fun up there. Not to mention good eats and cocktails!
     Well, now that Leap Day is winding down, heading to the store as the Dunham household is about outta any food but pasta and some baked beans! Hope everyone had a good Leap Day! Here's to March and real Spring around the corner.
    

Proud Sister

     Tuesday is here and almost done now, seems like the week is flying by! Not always a bad thing especially when it seems to be going smoother than last week for me. Not so much for my husband who seems to be down and out today with either the flu or something along thost lines. Either way, not pretty at our household. I am keeping my distance.
    Tonight that distance involves Dad and I  heading over to St. Louis for an award ceremony for my brother Ben. He is a St. Louis Police Officer. Yes, I didn't only marry a police officer, my brother is one as well. They are everywhere! Anyway, he is being recognized tonight in regards to a scary incident he was involved in last fall. Even though Jeremy and I tease him about getting this award, I am very proud of him. I have always been kind of a mother hen and rather protective of my baby brother. Which is now funny that he is about 6 inches taller than me and much broader. But, I always have been that way with him.  It is funny for me to watch him all dressed up in uniform and doing his job as a St. Louis police officer. Guess I should be used to it by now, he's done it for almost two years, but I am not. Either way, as scary as it is for him to be a police officer in St. Louis City, I can't express really how proud I am of him. He won't ever let me get to gushy so I figured I could put some of it on here, because I doubt he reads it regularly. So, needless to say I may get a little emotional tonight, damn that big sister gene!!
     On other fronts, I realized last night I am kind of slacking in my personal cooking challenge. I have done some baking of new healthy desserts lately. I made some awesome cookie dough balls from the website ChocolateCoveredKatie.com. I recommend them if you are craving something sweet and  healthy! But, I haven't been COOKING much. I am trying to remedy that by buying a new cookbook off Amazon (I'm Jen and I am addicted to Amazon) and hopefully trying some new recipes out of that book. The cookbook I purchased is The Hungry Girl Cookbook. I get her daily emails so I decided to give her book a try! Will keep everyone posted on progress.
     I am still kind of struggling with the body image stuff as another pair of jeans didn't fit how I wanted this morning. But I have been emailing with my nutritionist and she keeps repeating to me that STRESS plays a big roll in this process and the more I stress the worse off I will be. Which I do realize but I am a worrier, a fusser, I stress. But for some reason her teling me pointe blank (for the 100th time) that the stress hormones can interfere with weight and such, it FINALLY hit me. Kind of another AHA moment so to speak. So I am really, really going to try to make an effort to CHILLAX about this. For goodness sake I have "Breathe" tattooed on my wrist, I put it there for a reason when I started this journey.It is supposed to be a daily reminderalthough I haven't been using it much lately. Time to stop ignoring it and get back to business.
     Well, it's off to Ben's ceremony in a short while. Taking the kleenex and the camera with me! Have a great Tuesdsay everyone.

Dancing Fools

     I can't believe it is already Sunday!  The weekends seem to go faster and faster. This one was no different. Yesterday Jeremy did a fundraiser called the Polar Plunge for Special Olympics with some people he works with. Basically they all got in their swimming trunks and swimming suits in forty degree weather and then jumped into the freezing cold water of Carlyle Lake! Craziness! But it was for a good cause and he had funl. He also raised $600 in the process which I was very proud of. After he plunged and changed into warm, dry clothes we had lunch with some of the team members we hardly ever see.  After a quick cat nap at home, we headed out for the evening.
     We went over to St. Charles, Missouri  and went to the Ameristar Casino to see a fabulous band, Dr. Zhivegas play a show with some friends. The band was awesome as they always are and we all boogeyed the night away.  Which happens to be one of mine and Dunham's favorite things to do. It was a really fun evening but now we are back to Sunday! Another lazy one in this household after the busy weekend.
     Tomorrow is the start of the half marathon training. My goal of the afternoon is to put together my schedule, I have been putting it off a few days. Hope everyone had a fabulous weekend and here's hoping the week ahead is a good one!!

Training around the Corner

     Here it is Friday again and I am very thankful!! Phew, made it! I have been waiting for Friday since Monday. However, what is on my mind today isn't just the fun weekend ahead, but also the next eight weeks. On Monday I will start training for the Champaign Half Marathon in April. April 29th to be exact. This will be my 7th (I think ) half marathon. This will be my first long race since my knee injury. I am both excited and a little intimidated.
    Because I am a wee bit OCD and organized , I always have a training plan for these races that I stick to. It makes me feel more in control, shocking I know. But it also helps keep me honest and looking back as I train keeps me motivated during those weeks where I think what the heck have I gotten myself into. So this year is no different, I am scouring the Internet looking up different plans and paces, trying to decide what is right for me. When I visited the Runner's World website and looked at one of the plans there was also a link to some nutrition articles. I decided to click on one. Glad I did.
   I clicked on an article titled "Running on Empty". The article is written by a male runner who talks about his experience training for his first marathon and the disordered eating patterns he developed in the process. The article goes on to talk about issues with disordered eating and runners. Let me tell you, I saw myself and my behaviors in there. In the article the writer states that manipulating one's food and body offers a sense of control and perfection. WHOA yup, that's me. Control and perfection have always been part of who I am, part of my personality. I like to think it has to do with my birth order. But I digress, I read this article with eyes wide, absorbing it all. It discussed that runners often lose weight and think that is why their times improve, rather than other factors such as training and sleep habits. This was me. As was the example of the runner who would do his long runs and never properly refuel and pretty much make himself sick . I wasn't near as bad as the man mentioned in the article, but I often only ate a measly Quaker Oats 100 calorie granola bar for breakfast after a 10 mile run. Then only a Clif bar and apple for lunch. Yes, really I did that. I know, it's not good. I consider myself blessed I didn't get hurt sooner than I did over training and treating myself this way. Guess my knee injury was God's way of telling me JEN treat yourself RIGHT!!
     So, after reading the article with motivating statements in it telling the readers that healthy eating isn't less eating and so forth I feel ready to tackle this half marathon training. I am struggling right now with the food thing, I have been honest about that here in the past few posts. But I am still eating, trying not to let myself restrict, trying not to fuss and trying respect my body. Trying to understand my body is changing, adjusting to being treated better, finally. With the training will come more changes, as I will be running more and there will be spikes in hunger levels. But I will try my best and give it my all to listen to my body and what it wants. Give it what it needs, especially after long runs. Which is definitely not just a 100 calorie granola bar! I am going to keep thinking the healthy eating is not less eating and try to nourish my body.
     I have done enough half marathons to know that I will hit my wall at 7 1/2 miles wondering why I decided to do this. What was I thinking? But this year I will try to push past that point  by thinking that I am really doing this for the healthier Jen. For the Jen that back in July could not run 1 mile pain free. I am doing this to prove to myself that I am strong and  I will overcome these issues I have with food and body image. I am going to cross that finish line proud, no matter what time is on the clock, because I treated my body right. I will know I  did my best and I have come so far and will continue to do so.
 Cheers everyone! Happy Friday!

Turnaround Tuesday and a Little Reflection

     Today was definitely a better day. I left yesterday behind and started over. Work was better and went smoother which is a big plus. Thank goodness for fabulous and fun co-workers! I am still struggling with the body stuff, but again I am trying to breathe and just chalk it up to hormones and all that fun girl stuff. Hoping and knowing it will pass (hopefully soon!) is helping me not to freak out too bad. But thinking and fussing over all this stuff has led me to some reflection.
     When I realize how much I fuss over these (somewhat trivial) body image and food issues I can't help but feel guilty a bit. Why guilty? Well, I think of the precious time I waste doing it, time that my cousin Chrissy, who passed away when she was 17 and I was 16, would have given anything for. She had a very rare form of cancer that she fought with all she had. Even through her most radical, painful treatments she remained positive. When she finally was in remission I remember watching how much she treasured life. She didn't seem to fuss over the fact that her beautiful blond hair had fallen out and she was now bald. Nope, she rocked the bandannas. She didn't seem to fuss over really anyof the little stuff at the time,she seemed so happy to just be living her life as a normal teenager. Unfortunately, the cancer came back with a vengeance. There were no more treatment options, and just weeks after her 17th birthday and her Junior prom, Chrissy passed away. I still remember my Mom telling me the news, trying to process all the emotions was so hard. I remember how sad and difficult her funeral was. The song Amazing Grace will never be the same. It was one of the hardest things to understand and accept, but I know she is watching over all of us and is now no longer in pain. 
     Recently, more and more, when I think about and realize how much time I fuss over this (basically) trivial stuff I think about Chrissy. I think about how she wouldn't be real happy with me for basically wasting time being so down when I should be enjoying life. I should be enjoy being young, being HEALTHY. She went through so much during her illness and treatment. She went through hell and back and  yet she remained positive. Did she have her hard moments, yes, but she fought to live and be healthy. Now, here I am perfectly healthy, yet I fight it. I fuss. I think I look fat, I feel bloated, I think pants fit too tight. I waste and lose precious time fussing over things that basically do not matter. The bottom line is that I am healthy I am here, I am alive. Why the heck not be happy and LIVE my life. Why not let the trivial stuff go? Chrissy would have. Chrissy did exactly that when she was here with us.
     Through all  this reflection I have decided that I really do need to start embracing real life more and stop fussing over the rather trivial parts. I know my body image and food issues are a part of me and something I will always have to deal with on some level. But they don't have to control me like the have, like they do, there is so much more to life. Chrissy taught me that. I need to strive to be and stay healthy and enjoy everyday I have. Even the days that stink, I need to find something positive, something to enjoy. To me, my goal and choice to change doesn't only mean embracing a healthier lifestyle but embracing life in general. It means learning to breathe, being happy, getting healthy and making Chrissy proud.
      Love you Chrissy and I know your helping me along the way.

Just Another Manic Monday!

     I heard this song and all I could think was I hope that isn't how my Monday ends up. But, regardless of what I wished it did turn into a little bit of a manic Monday for this chick. But the good part is at least it is pretty much over! First, a recap of a weekend before I get to the nitty gritty!!
     Weekend was a good time! Friday night we went and visited some great friends , Katie, Mike and their son Brady, at their new house WAY over in Missouri. It really wasn't far at all but I teased her about it some because her family did as well. Katie and I have been friends since we were in first grade, it is so surreal sometimes to be visiting now with husbands, kids and new houses. But, it is so fun and always great to see them. Saturday night we had a fundraiser for Jeremy's boss to attend. We went to dinner before the fundraiser with some old and new friends which was fun. We had cocktails and more fun at the fundraiser. I had some good girl talk with a good friend , Sam, who was so supportive and kind in everything she said. She told me she still reads my blog and just encouraged me which meant so much!Hopefully we can encourage each other as much when we run our half marathon in April! Sunday was a much needed veg day. Love those sometimes. Yes, even me, Ms. Non-Stop!!
    As the weekend wrapped, it was on to this manic Monday. I have to be honest I am really struggling with the intuitive eating and body image thing at the moment. Part of me wants to blame it on "girl time" and part of me thinks maybe it is just a low. I know I am due for a tune up with my nutritionist and have scheduled one for late next week. I am struggling because I feel like my body is not changing at all through my better diet and my hard work. That it is instead revolting a bit or not responding at all. Although I have been reassured I am doing well, it is getting very difficult for me to believe it. Very hard to keep trusting this. Very hard to NOT fall into old habits, the quick fix. But I have calmed some and have vowed to not fall into the old habits. I know those aren't healthy and will not work long term. I believe realizing this is a good step. The staying focused and believing in myself is what I am struggling with most. I told my nutritionist that I know what the intuitive eating phases are and I understand them to a point but I know a part of me is not fully accepting them. She assured me that could in fact be the case and often is because it is scary to fully embrace these concepts. However, I realize that I need to quit being scared and embrace this. So far this process has been scary and eye opening at points, why still be scared? So to take steps in the direction of fully embracing all the concepts, I am re-reading the book I have and taking new notes. Trying to stay positive. I can't lie this is all hard. Very hard.
     On top of the body issues I had going on in my head today, I also had a rather tough afternoon at work. Again, girl time helps nothing, but just had one of those Mondays I couldn't wait to end. And it did. I do tend to fuss some and worry when I have a tough day like today but my wise Mother did remind me to just breathe and let it go. One would think I would finally grasp this concept as it IS tattooed on my wrist. Baby steps. But Mom would be glad to know that  why I did still fuss and worry, I did also sit back on the couch and relax some. Blogging is part of that relaxation for me.
     So, now it is on to Tuesday which is hopefully less manic than Monday. On to re-educating myself on intuitive eating and staying strong through this process. To not let me get me is the goal of not only the week but the goal of this whole profess.

Friday Again

     Friday again and thank goodness. For some reason, the end of this week has dragged on and on! But we finally made it! Looking forward to the weekend ahead. Tonight Jeremy and I are going to visit some friends who moved into a new "big kid" house in Missouri and tomorrow we have a fundraiser to attend. Looking forward to spending time with some friends I haven't caught up with in a bit. Should be fun.
     This week has been really tough body image wise. I am hoping things improve next week and I am trying to be positive that they will. I know I will have ups and downs as I go through this so I am chalking this week up to a little bit of a down. There is no real reason I can pinpoint as to why I am down to fix it easily, so that's why I am just trying to shake it off. So I will do my best because I have been reassured by both my trainer and nutritionist this week that I am doing really well. That encourages me to get through weeks like this and hope and know next week will get better!
   So here's hoping everyone has a fun weekend! Cheers!