So I realized after be asked by 2 (of my whopping 9) followers of my blog why I am not writing anymore or if I started a new blog. The answer in my head was both yes and yes. Then I remembered I NEVER put the link to my new blog on her in case you want to keep following my (sometimes) nutty life!
The new blog is Happy.Healthy.Hot Mess and here is the link: http://healthyhappyhotmess.blogspot.com. I hope you follow me there! It is more upbeat and doesn't just focus on my recovery and struggles! Hope to see you there! Now off to read more "Fifty Shades"....can we say addiction!!
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Let's be honest
I have been on this mission to change for a few months now and have shared my journey on this blog. But, I know I haven't been completely honest with either myself or the people who read my blog. So honesty is the best policy and I had a couple of those aha moments that have let me to this post of honesty.
First, to put some things in perspective and be honest with myself I asked myself a few questions. Have I struggled with disordered eating? Yes. Do I struggle anymore? Some days yes but not as much. Do I use it as a crutch and a way to ignore my feelings? Why yes! Have I used it as a way to treat my body wrong, ignore what it's telling me and keeping myself in denial? Absolutely. Now, I realize I said I was OVER this disordered eating some time ago. But to be honest, I still held on to a bit of it. It was too comfortable and familiar. What or who was I with out it? It has just been a part of me for so long. So while I entered this journey with best intentions and leaving it behind, I still held on to it. Even through learning and discovering intuitive eating, I held on to it. It was just always there to some extent, part of my comfort zone. But tonight, this all came to a screeching halt.
This weekend Jeremy and I are attending a wedding of some friends. This led me into my closet to decide just what I want to wear. Now, I have to be honest again here since that's the theme. I have noticed clothes not fitting just right for some time now but ignored it. I made excuses or chalked it up to bloating or whatever I could think of. I would often keep myself in denial and just put on something more comfortable. But tonight I tried on dresses that, just last summer, fit just fine that tonight would not fit properly. At all. And that my friends was the breaking point.
I clearly have gained some weight. Now, I realize that I have changed my workout routine some and that has some effect on body mass and changes in different spots. I get that and I accept that. But this is applicable for every spot I am feeling this tightness in or seeing changes in, and not in a good way. Let me not fail to mention that I am working very hard, and sticking with lifting some weights, yet not seeing results I want. To be honest again made some excuses for the lack of results as well therefore keeping myself in denial. One fib I have been telling myself is that I have screwed up my metabolism, which I know I may have, but I think it's pretty much back on track. I just didn't want to face the fact that I was just plain not eating how I should. I was eating because I knew I could. Because I thought I needed it. Because I was bored. Because I was ignoring other things. I wasn't really listening to my body or my hunger cues for fullness. Even though I exercise like crazy, nutrition is a huge part. One that for the most part I watch most of the time, but often behind closed doors maybe I am not to watchful of. So all these realizations I have led me to my new plan of action.
I realize that most people around me will probably read this and think I am a bit crazy but I want everyone to see where I am coming from. As women, we all know our own bodies. We know when we are not happy with our own bodies, even if other people tell us we look fine. It is our body and our choice. If we want to change it, only we have the power. No one can change it for us. This is the exact point I am at in this moment. I realize most people don't or can't see that I have put on a few pounds. Some I know would probably say I needed a few extra pounds, and while they may feel that way, I don't feel the same. Now, I don't want to go back to where I was a few years back, far too thin and having pretty much everyone point it out. I just want to fit back into these clothes comfortably again. I want to feel confident in those clothes, and confident with my body because I have come to peace that this is MY body. That I am the one that can change it if it needs it that it's not ever going to look like someone elses body I admire. It's mine and I can make it into the best body for me, for me to admire my own body. Finally. For once.
So, to help me on this mission in the healthiest way possible I didn't turn to a therapist or nutritionist. I didn't start googling things. I turned to my Mom. As I have mentioned before Mom has lost about 50 pounds using Weight Watchers in the past year and a half or so. She really has done so awesome with it, she eats real food, exercises, still has fun (and has splurges) and has lost weight and gained confidence. Everything I am looking for. So, after going back and forth over text messages with Mom about how I felt and telling her I really did want to try Weight Watchers she agreed to help me. I immediately was excited. As she began described the plan to me, it all seems so easy. Really simple and not far from the way I eat now, but healthier. Actually probably eating a little more. Nothing is off limits, for real. Everything in moderation. Everything I guess I have realized before but never grasped. I have always pretty much gone to extremes where this food business is involved. If I think ONE thing is the problem, I cut it out completely....to binge on it later. But with this I can work everything in in a normal organized way. Which, if you know me, organization is key to me functioning properly! So, I know that Weight Watchers is the way to go. I have known for some time, but again denied it. I know that I don't have much weight to lose. But it's not all about losing the few pounds I want and having my clothes fit more properly. It is about learning and finally really embracing the healthy lifestyle. To not do it part time, like I pretty much always have when I have tried other ways of going about this, but to embrace it and do it for real.
With all that said, and me pretty much having laid everything out there, I also have come to another conclusion. As I mentioned in my last post. I have decided to close down this blog. This blog has been very therapeutic for the first part of this journey. But I want to put it behind me, especially now that I have reached this point of enlightenment this evening. So, Choosing to Change is dunzo as of tonight. But I do LOVE this blogging stuff and I want to be able to look back on the rest of my journey that begins now. I will be starting my new blog, Healthy.Happy.Hot Mess.
Now it's time to sign off here to step in my new healthy direction and I couldn't be more excited. Here we go.
First, to put some things in perspective and be honest with myself I asked myself a few questions. Have I struggled with disordered eating? Yes. Do I struggle anymore? Some days yes but not as much. Do I use it as a crutch and a way to ignore my feelings? Why yes! Have I used it as a way to treat my body wrong, ignore what it's telling me and keeping myself in denial? Absolutely. Now, I realize I said I was OVER this disordered eating some time ago. But to be honest, I still held on to a bit of it. It was too comfortable and familiar. What or who was I with out it? It has just been a part of me for so long. So while I entered this journey with best intentions and leaving it behind, I still held on to it. Even through learning and discovering intuitive eating, I held on to it. It was just always there to some extent, part of my comfort zone. But tonight, this all came to a screeching halt.
This weekend Jeremy and I are attending a wedding of some friends. This led me into my closet to decide just what I want to wear. Now, I have to be honest again here since that's the theme. I have noticed clothes not fitting just right for some time now but ignored it. I made excuses or chalked it up to bloating or whatever I could think of. I would often keep myself in denial and just put on something more comfortable. But tonight I tried on dresses that, just last summer, fit just fine that tonight would not fit properly. At all. And that my friends was the breaking point.
I clearly have gained some weight. Now, I realize that I have changed my workout routine some and that has some effect on body mass and changes in different spots. I get that and I accept that. But this is applicable for every spot I am feeling this tightness in or seeing changes in, and not in a good way. Let me not fail to mention that I am working very hard, and sticking with lifting some weights, yet not seeing results I want. To be honest again made some excuses for the lack of results as well therefore keeping myself in denial. One fib I have been telling myself is that I have screwed up my metabolism, which I know I may have, but I think it's pretty much back on track. I just didn't want to face the fact that I was just plain not eating how I should. I was eating because I knew I could. Because I thought I needed it. Because I was bored. Because I was ignoring other things. I wasn't really listening to my body or my hunger cues for fullness. Even though I exercise like crazy, nutrition is a huge part. One that for the most part I watch most of the time, but often behind closed doors maybe I am not to watchful of. So all these realizations I have led me to my new plan of action.
I realize that most people around me will probably read this and think I am a bit crazy but I want everyone to see where I am coming from. As women, we all know our own bodies. We know when we are not happy with our own bodies, even if other people tell us we look fine. It is our body and our choice. If we want to change it, only we have the power. No one can change it for us. This is the exact point I am at in this moment. I realize most people don't or can't see that I have put on a few pounds. Some I know would probably say I needed a few extra pounds, and while they may feel that way, I don't feel the same. Now, I don't want to go back to where I was a few years back, far too thin and having pretty much everyone point it out. I just want to fit back into these clothes comfortably again. I want to feel confident in those clothes, and confident with my body because I have come to peace that this is MY body. That I am the one that can change it if it needs it that it's not ever going to look like someone elses body I admire. It's mine and I can make it into the best body for me, for me to admire my own body. Finally. For once.
So, to help me on this mission in the healthiest way possible I didn't turn to a therapist or nutritionist. I didn't start googling things. I turned to my Mom. As I have mentioned before Mom has lost about 50 pounds using Weight Watchers in the past year and a half or so. She really has done so awesome with it, she eats real food, exercises, still has fun (and has splurges) and has lost weight and gained confidence. Everything I am looking for. So, after going back and forth over text messages with Mom about how I felt and telling her I really did want to try Weight Watchers she agreed to help me. I immediately was excited. As she began described the plan to me, it all seems so easy. Really simple and not far from the way I eat now, but healthier. Actually probably eating a little more. Nothing is off limits, for real. Everything in moderation. Everything I guess I have realized before but never grasped. I have always pretty much gone to extremes where this food business is involved. If I think ONE thing is the problem, I cut it out completely....to binge on it later. But with this I can work everything in in a normal organized way. Which, if you know me, organization is key to me functioning properly! So, I know that Weight Watchers is the way to go. I have known for some time, but again denied it. I know that I don't have much weight to lose. But it's not all about losing the few pounds I want and having my clothes fit more properly. It is about learning and finally really embracing the healthy lifestyle. To not do it part time, like I pretty much always have when I have tried other ways of going about this, but to embrace it and do it for real.
With all that said, and me pretty much having laid everything out there, I also have come to another conclusion. As I mentioned in my last post. I have decided to close down this blog. This blog has been very therapeutic for the first part of this journey. But I want to put it behind me, especially now that I have reached this point of enlightenment this evening. So, Choosing to Change is dunzo as of tonight. But I do LOVE this blogging stuff and I want to be able to look back on the rest of my journey that begins now. I will be starting my new blog, Healthy.Happy.Hot Mess.
Now it's time to sign off here to step in my new healthy direction and I couldn't be more excited. Here we go.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Starting Fresh
So I have been thinking, since this year is all about moving forward and letting go I need to let this blog, that focuses on some of my old issues, go as well. But I do not want to give up blogging. Because I do like it a lot. A whole lot. I am jealous of the lucky folks who get to do it for a living. But anyway, I am thinking I am going to shut down this blog and start a new one. Thinking of a good name is the hard part but I have a few in mind. My new blog will follow life with my husband and the pups and my attempt to live a healthy life full of fun, fitness, family, ups, downs and everything in between. Now on to choosing that new name...
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Getting There
Just a few days left until the St. Louis Cardinals Home OPENER!!! If you know me and my husband, the Cardinals home opener is our Christmas of sorts. It literally is one of the happiest days of the year in our household. We have gone every year since we have been together and this year is no different. At the beginning of the year we weren't sure we would be able to go because of Jeremy's schedule, but with all the changes and stuff it worked out perfectly for Opening Day attendance!! Friday is the big day, and we can't wait!!
On other fronts, I am still on my mission to change. I have to be honest that it has been hard at times to let this all go. But I do find myself more often than not getting out of the down periods quicker than I used to and focusing on health and the reason I started this journey, this year. I still struggle some days with it all, but I am lucky enough to have good support behind me in my husband and family. They don't realize how much that means! But enough with the sappy stuff.
I have about two weeks left in this half marathon training and I am ready for it to be here and DONE! I get this way every time I enter a half marathon, so it's expected, but I feel so close yet so far away. At least I have some baseball in there to distract me.
So remember if you are struggling with anything at all, no matter how big or small you think it is, to keep looking forward. Keep moving forward because that's the direction you are heading, a brighter, happier (and often healthier) future.
On other fronts, I am still on my mission to change. I have to be honest that it has been hard at times to let this all go. But I do find myself more often than not getting out of the down periods quicker than I used to and focusing on health and the reason I started this journey, this year. I still struggle some days with it all, but I am lucky enough to have good support behind me in my husband and family. They don't realize how much that means! But enough with the sappy stuff.
I have about two weeks left in this half marathon training and I am ready for it to be here and DONE! I get this way every time I enter a half marathon, so it's expected, but I feel so close yet so far away. At least I have some baseball in there to distract me.
So remember if you are struggling with anything at all, no matter how big or small you think it is, to keep looking forward. Keep moving forward because that's the direction you are heading, a brighter, happier (and often healthier) future.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
BASEBALL!!!
It is one of the happiest days of the year! MLB 2012 season began today!! First game Miami v. the 2011 WORLD SERIES CHAMPION ST. LOUIS CARDINALS!!!! And at this point the Cards are up 3-0!!! Have I mentioned before that the Dunham household bleeds red, HUGE Cardinals fans! Only 12 days left until we get to see them in action at the home opener!! WOO HOO!
The start of baseball just makes it feel like summer is around the corner and that thrills me! Other things that are thrilling me is the new blog I found. Peanut Butter Fingers. It's basically a healthy lifestyle blog but the writer is so realistic. Reading her blog really helps me chill out about all my food issues and worrying and such. She balances a healthy lifestyle realistically and it's rather refreshing. I encourage anyone who likes to read blogs to read that one!
Now, it's back to watching the Cardinals kick some Marlins butt! Go Cards!!!!
The start of baseball just makes it feel like summer is around the corner and that thrills me! Other things that are thrilling me is the new blog I found. Peanut Butter Fingers. It's basically a healthy lifestyle blog but the writer is so realistic. Reading her blog really helps me chill out about all my food issues and worrying and such. She balances a healthy lifestyle realistically and it's rather refreshing. I encourage anyone who likes to read blogs to read that one!
Now, it's back to watching the Cardinals kick some Marlins butt! Go Cards!!!!
 |
| Lucy and Emilio love the Cardinals too! |
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Productive Weekend & A Productive Product
It has been a beautiful weekend here and we got a TON accomplished! Friday night we had a nice dinner and some cocktails in St. Louis with my parents. Yesterday was house and yard straightening during the day and last night we headed to an early dinner in Alton followed by some cocktails. Today we ran some errands, watched a good movie and now getting ready to cook out in a bit! Love spring weekends!
What else I am loving right now is apple cider vinegar. Yup, vinegar. Let me explain. For years now I have dealt with a myriad of stomach issues. One that continues to plague me is bloating after eating. There were times when I would eat lunch or dinner and look like I was hiding a football under my shirt. There was no rhyme or reason to it, no food patters, nothing. Then, one day I was reading a blog post by Tosca Reno and she was discussing apple cider vinegar for bloat. I began to research it more, and how to use it. I was intrigued. The next day I headed up to Edwardsville to buy a bottle of the highly recommended Bragg's Apple Cider vinegar. The instructions for use for the purpose I was seeking was to take 1-2 teaspoons mixed with water before a meal. I tried my first dose that night. Now, it DOES not taste real pleasant but I sucked it down and I was immediately amazed! NO BLOATING after dinner! Since then I have continued to use it before every meal and have seen such an amazing difference! I can't believe that through all my attempts to cure my stomach ailments that the ONE thing that is really curing me is a $5 bottle of apple cider vinegar! That's it!!
So what I am getting at is that I am recommending this to ANYONE with stomach ailments, or as I have come to find out, anyone who wants to improve their health. I have done research on it and bought the Bragg Apple Cider Vinegar book and found that apple cider vinegar is good for a number of things. It can help your hair, your skin, your digestion, burns, scrapes. It's really a miracle elixir of sorts and I am on the bandwagon!! So, this is me touting apple cider vinegar to anyone who will listen. I will say it's not the most pleasant tasting drink but it works and the book also explains ways to make it more drinkable.
Have a good week everyone and pick up a bottle of Bragg Apple Cider Vinegar!!!
What else I am loving right now is apple cider vinegar. Yup, vinegar. Let me explain. For years now I have dealt with a myriad of stomach issues. One that continues to plague me is bloating after eating. There were times when I would eat lunch or dinner and look like I was hiding a football under my shirt. There was no rhyme or reason to it, no food patters, nothing. Then, one day I was reading a blog post by Tosca Reno and she was discussing apple cider vinegar for bloat. I began to research it more, and how to use it. I was intrigued. The next day I headed up to Edwardsville to buy a bottle of the highly recommended Bragg's Apple Cider vinegar. The instructions for use for the purpose I was seeking was to take 1-2 teaspoons mixed with water before a meal. I tried my first dose that night. Now, it DOES not taste real pleasant but I sucked it down and I was immediately amazed! NO BLOATING after dinner! Since then I have continued to use it before every meal and have seen such an amazing difference! I can't believe that through all my attempts to cure my stomach ailments that the ONE thing that is really curing me is a $5 bottle of apple cider vinegar! That's it!!
So what I am getting at is that I am recommending this to ANYONE with stomach ailments, or as I have come to find out, anyone who wants to improve their health. I have done research on it and bought the Bragg Apple Cider Vinegar book and found that apple cider vinegar is good for a number of things. It can help your hair, your skin, your digestion, burns, scrapes. It's really a miracle elixir of sorts and I am on the bandwagon!! So, this is me touting apple cider vinegar to anyone who will listen. I will say it's not the most pleasant tasting drink but it works and the book also explains ways to make it more drinkable.
Have a good week everyone and pick up a bottle of Bragg Apple Cider Vinegar!!!
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Few Days into 29!
I realized it's been a few days since I have blogged on here! My first few days of 29 have been pretty good. Had a good birthday that included drinks with co-workers, dinner with the family and I even got a brand new Coach purse! YAY! Then the weekend included a girl's night with some fabulous females and Sunday was brunch with my brother and his girlfriend followed by a viewing of The Hunger Games sans the brother. The movie was GOOD, I total fell into The Hunger Games fan club!!
Today was my first ten mile run of my half marathon. Not going to lie there were times I wanted to just be done, but I pushed through and felt really good at the end! I have to admit that both treating my body better, a/k/a feeding it more, and also letting GO of some of the negative thoughts has not only helped me in general but the running as well. Took a long time for me to get to this point, feels good to be here.
I have also started weight training on my own since I am not working with Susie anymore. I am following Jamie Eason's LiveFit Trainer program. I am not following it to a tee, because if I did the first four weeks do not include cardio, which can't happen while training for this half. So I am incorporating the strength training moves into my regular workouts. Turns out I CAN do strength training on my OWN and I LIKE it a lot. I owe a lot of that to Susie showing me what to do and how to do it properly as well as encouraging me to keep it up.
So, needless to say 29 is starting out as a pretty good year, sure hope it keeps up! I know it will in the near future because baseball season is RIGHT around the corner!! GO CARDS!!
Today was my first ten mile run of my half marathon. Not going to lie there were times I wanted to just be done, but I pushed through and felt really good at the end! I have to admit that both treating my body better, a/k/a feeding it more, and also letting GO of some of the negative thoughts has not only helped me in general but the running as well. Took a long time for me to get to this point, feels good to be here.
I have also started weight training on my own since I am not working with Susie anymore. I am following Jamie Eason's LiveFit Trainer program. I am not following it to a tee, because if I did the first four weeks do not include cardio, which can't happen while training for this half. So I am incorporating the strength training moves into my regular workouts. Turns out I CAN do strength training on my OWN and I LIKE it a lot. I owe a lot of that to Susie showing me what to do and how to do it properly as well as encouraging me to keep it up.
So, needless to say 29 is starting out as a pretty good year, sure hope it keeps up! I know it will in the near future because baseball season is RIGHT around the corner!! GO CARDS!!
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
More Changes and Last day of 28
On the eve of my 28th birthday there are more changes in the air for this chick. Guess I was pretty spot on when choosing the title for this blog. I found out last night when I went to work out with my trainer Susie, that this week's sessions would be the last. Turns out she got a fabulous job offer at a health club in the area and she has to give up the personal training to do so. While I am very sad to not see her every week anymore and get her kick a** workouts in, I am very happy for her and wishing her all the best! This changes forces me to "take the bull by the horns" so to speak and motivate MYSELF to stick with my strength training regimen.
I had always kind of given up on any sort of strength training plan I was given or took from a magazine. But training with Susie changed that for me. She showed me so many different tricks and exercises that were more than the usual bicep curl and chest press but that WORKED and changed your body. She was realistic about the amount of time needed to work in the gym to see results and was about looking toned and healthy, rather than just thin. Her attitude and her advice sparked something in me. Made me realize that I really DO like strength training and that running isn't the ONLY option for me to be trim and healthy. For this I will ever be indebted to her!
She also has lit a little spark in me to try something new. Something I have always wanted to do, but never really taken the step FORWARD to do so. That my friends, is getting certified as a personal trainer. She told me that she believes I would be very good at it because not only is it pretty much a hobby for me, but I know a lot about it and I have also struggled with issues that can help me relate to women (and men) seeking to get healthy and fit. I have toyed with the idea of getting this certification for awhile, but never really looked into it. Well, I started looking. The certification and classes are not that much money, and it really is something that I would love to do. I would have to get into training slowly and build up, but it could be something that really pays off in the end and doing something I am so passionate about kind of excites me. So, we will see after I do more research when and if I do this thing...I am leaning more towards absolutely!
So as the last day of my 28th year winds down I am feeling pretty good. I feel a little more balanced and calmer than I was at this point last year. Due in parts to a new job and a recent reality check from Mom. But, as I look ahead to my last year in my 20's I hope to really live it to the fullest. To enjoy it and quit the BS...as Mom pointed out earlier this week. To be the Jen I started out my 20's like, the one who got lost for a bit but is now returning. So, bring it on 29 I am SO ready!
I had always kind of given up on any sort of strength training plan I was given or took from a magazine. But training with Susie changed that for me. She showed me so many different tricks and exercises that were more than the usual bicep curl and chest press but that WORKED and changed your body. She was realistic about the amount of time needed to work in the gym to see results and was about looking toned and healthy, rather than just thin. Her attitude and her advice sparked something in me. Made me realize that I really DO like strength training and that running isn't the ONLY option for me to be trim and healthy. For this I will ever be indebted to her!
She also has lit a little spark in me to try something new. Something I have always wanted to do, but never really taken the step FORWARD to do so. That my friends, is getting certified as a personal trainer. She told me that she believes I would be very good at it because not only is it pretty much a hobby for me, but I know a lot about it and I have also struggled with issues that can help me relate to women (and men) seeking to get healthy and fit. I have toyed with the idea of getting this certification for awhile, but never really looked into it. Well, I started looking. The certification and classes are not that much money, and it really is something that I would love to do. I would have to get into training slowly and build up, but it could be something that really pays off in the end and doing something I am so passionate about kind of excites me. So, we will see after I do more research when and if I do this thing...I am leaning more towards absolutely!
So as the last day of my 28th year winds down I am feeling pretty good. I feel a little more balanced and calmer than I was at this point last year. Due in parts to a new job and a recent reality check from Mom. But, as I look ahead to my last year in my 20's I hope to really live it to the fullest. To enjoy it and quit the BS...as Mom pointed out earlier this week. To be the Jen I started out my 20's like, the one who got lost for a bit but is now returning. So, bring it on 29 I am SO ready!
Monday, March 19, 2012
Reality Check
So, I woke up this morning still dragging a little from the busy (but fun) weekend. After exercising, showering and getting ready I put on my dress clothes for work today. I haven't worn my dressier clothes since I quit my old job because my new job has a rather comfortable dress code. Anyway, when I put the pants on they were tighter than I remembered. And this my friends, put me in a tizzy. Right back to where I didn't want to be. All the thoughts and urges to go back to my old ways came flooding back. Ugh. When I stopped in the office I was emailing with my Mom. She turned around and put me in my place.
My Mom and I are very close and I don't know what I would do without her. She is honestly one of my best friends. And today my Mom was both a best friend and a mom and got brutally honest with me. My Mom wrote me back more than one very BLUNT emails telling me to stop this constant up and down I put myself through. She gave me one helluva reality check.
Her email basically told me I have been coddled too long with this and basically I need to stop focusing so much on this body issue stuff and being so self-involved about it and focus on other things. Things such as my life, my marriage, ANYTHING else but my body. Now, while some may think this was rather harsh, mind you, she has been through this with me all the way. Although no one ever really wants to face a real reality check, I am glad she said what she said. I took it all to heart. What is funny is that (Mom pay attention as you read this) she is SO right.
After reading the emails and taking it all in, I am over it. Not the email, not the reality check. But myself. Now, I have said this before, but for some reason today it feels different. I am over fussing if I am eating the right thing at the right time, over if I am eating enough calories for the day, if there will be healthy options wherever I will be eating if going out. I am over trying to focus so much on the intuitiveness of it all, I just want to pay attention to my body. What I want and what my body is telling me I need. Which I guess is part of the intuitive eating process, in my own words. So, to do this and basically get over it all I have to do a few things.
One thing I definitely need to do to get over this is to leave this disordered eating in the past. Yes, I have struggled with it for a long time. Yes it has sucked and ruined some days. But the worst of it is behind me and it needs to stay there. I know how to be healthy, what to eat and do to be healthy. Healthy is the focus now. Another step I probably should take is to stop doing the calorie counting . Although I don't mind doing it, I believe it drags me back towards focusing too much on the food and can spawn some of the old obsessive thoughts. So, I need to cut off my membership to Myfitnesspal.com, for now anyway. I also need to focus on other things than my disordered eating here in my blog. I am over talking about it, thinking about it. It's done and over and I need to focus on new and better things in life. I want to try some new things and focus on those and other fun experiences that life has to offer. Things that have nothing to do with eating disorders. I want to focus more on actually LIVING the healthy life I want. I want to share the new things, be it recipes, classes, exercises, whatever that I want to try in my journey to achieving a healthy lifestyle.
So there it is, a reality check on a Monday. One I wasn't expecting but really did need. One that really struck a chord today and has changed my perspective on this whole issue. Mom also reminded me that Chrissy would not approve of me living the way I have lately with the fussing and such, wasting time. That is so true.
Thanks Mom for the words of wisdom, you always seem to know what I need. So, I am signing off on the disordered eating talk. I am leaving that all behind me and not letting it be a major issue for myself and my thoughts anymore. Time to move on, like Kelly Clarkson sings...(sing it with my Jer) "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger..."
My Mom and I are very close and I don't know what I would do without her. She is honestly one of my best friends. And today my Mom was both a best friend and a mom and got brutally honest with me. My Mom wrote me back more than one very BLUNT emails telling me to stop this constant up and down I put myself through. She gave me one helluva reality check.
Her email basically told me I have been coddled too long with this and basically I need to stop focusing so much on this body issue stuff and being so self-involved about it and focus on other things. Things such as my life, my marriage, ANYTHING else but my body. Now, while some may think this was rather harsh, mind you, she has been through this with me all the way. Although no one ever really wants to face a real reality check, I am glad she said what she said. I took it all to heart. What is funny is that (Mom pay attention as you read this) she is SO right.
After reading the emails and taking it all in, I am over it. Not the email, not the reality check. But myself. Now, I have said this before, but for some reason today it feels different. I am over fussing if I am eating the right thing at the right time, over if I am eating enough calories for the day, if there will be healthy options wherever I will be eating if going out. I am over trying to focus so much on the intuitiveness of it all, I just want to pay attention to my body. What I want and what my body is telling me I need. Which I guess is part of the intuitive eating process, in my own words. So, to do this and basically get over it all I have to do a few things.
One thing I definitely need to do to get over this is to leave this disordered eating in the past. Yes, I have struggled with it for a long time. Yes it has sucked and ruined some days. But the worst of it is behind me and it needs to stay there. I know how to be healthy, what to eat and do to be healthy. Healthy is the focus now. Another step I probably should take is to stop doing the calorie counting . Although I don't mind doing it, I believe it drags me back towards focusing too much on the food and can spawn some of the old obsessive thoughts. So, I need to cut off my membership to Myfitnesspal.com, for now anyway. I also need to focus on other things than my disordered eating here in my blog. I am over talking about it, thinking about it. It's done and over and I need to focus on new and better things in life. I want to try some new things and focus on those and other fun experiences that life has to offer. Things that have nothing to do with eating disorders. I want to focus more on actually LIVING the healthy life I want. I want to share the new things, be it recipes, classes, exercises, whatever that I want to try in my journey to achieving a healthy lifestyle.
So there it is, a reality check on a Monday. One I wasn't expecting but really did need. One that really struck a chord today and has changed my perspective on this whole issue. Mom also reminded me that Chrissy would not approve of me living the way I have lately with the fussing and such, wasting time. That is so true.
Thanks Mom for the words of wisdom, you always seem to know what I need. So, I am signing off on the disordered eating talk. I am leaving that all behind me and not letting it be a major issue for myself and my thoughts anymore. Time to move on, like Kelly Clarkson sings...(sing it with my Jer) "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger..."
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Wondering....
Fun weekend already swooshed by! This weekend we celebrated St. Patrick's Day yesterday and on Friday night Jeremy and I went to St. Louis to stay the night and have an (early) birthday dinner for me. We went to one of my favorite places, Oyster Bar! Delicious! Yesterday, I did the annual St. Patrick's Day run in downtown St. Louis with my friend Sam. While it was weirdly hot and humid for March 17th, we both finished in under 45 minutes, 44 to be exact!! We were rather proud of ourselves. Then after cleaning up and bedazzling ourselves in all things green we headed out for the parade and a day of cocktailing with friends. It was a really fun day, all in all, even though we did get a little wet when the storms rolled in late afternoon and we started going bar to bar. Today was a nice breakfast in Soulard with the husband and then a movie day at home.
Even though there was lots of fun had this weekend I also have been thinking over the past week or so about the path I am on. It does get really trying at times, and there are days I really have to stay committed but I want so bad to see it through. I am also starting a new book tonight that goes along with my nutritionists suggesting to be easier on myself. The book is called "The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion". Again notice the word mindful, guess that is a theme for me this year. Anyway, it had great reviews on Amazon so I decided to check it out. It can only help me some, because I know I am hard on myself.
So, now it's onto the week ahead. I have some new responsibilities at work, so I have a feeling it could be a week of learning (and later in the week celebrating my birthday). So here is to another fabulous Spring week.
Even though there was lots of fun had this weekend I also have been thinking over the past week or so about the path I am on. It does get really trying at times, and there are days I really have to stay committed but I want so bad to see it through. I am also starting a new book tonight that goes along with my nutritionists suggesting to be easier on myself. The book is called "The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion". Again notice the word mindful, guess that is a theme for me this year. Anyway, it had great reviews on Amazon so I decided to check it out. It can only help me some, because I know I am hard on myself.
So, now it's onto the week ahead. I have some new responsibilities at work, so I have a feeling it could be a week of learning (and later in the week celebrating my birthday). So here is to another fabulous Spring week.
Monday, March 12, 2012
Getting a Little Easier
Monday again, but I can handle this kind of Monday when its as gorgeous as it was here today! Springtime is here I believe and I love it! Makes it really feel like baseball season is around the corner, and it pretty much is. Thank goodness! After a fabulous, low key weekend involving getting my hair done (THANK you Karlee!), window shopping and having lunch with my family I was rested and feeling good.
I am also beginning to see that this all isn't that hard. I just need to not take it so seriously and be so hard on myself. Like my nutritionist recommended. I mean don't get me wrong it is hard but relaxing about it does make it easier! I also started tracking my food online at myfitnesspal.com which helps as well (thanks again Karlee for the recommendation!). Some would think the tracking would maybe send me back into some of my old traps and habits. But really, now, its kind of the opposite. I see exactly what I am putting in my body, how I am treating it. And sometimes it encourages me to do better, and that sometimes means feeding it more and better. It really is helping me for now and I like it.
So, after a month or so long snit over all this I am feeling a lot more confident and less stressed about it. Finally. Nice to be here. Also nice to see some of my pants that didn't fit quite the way I wanted when I started this feeling a bit better. Always a bonus and right on par with what my nutritionist said, slow and steady. I guess this patience thing takes some learning, but beginning to feel so worth it!
I am also beginning to see that this all isn't that hard. I just need to not take it so seriously and be so hard on myself. Like my nutritionist recommended. I mean don't get me wrong it is hard but relaxing about it does make it easier! I also started tracking my food online at myfitnesspal.com which helps as well (thanks again Karlee for the recommendation!). Some would think the tracking would maybe send me back into some of my old traps and habits. But really, now, its kind of the opposite. I see exactly what I am putting in my body, how I am treating it. And sometimes it encourages me to do better, and that sometimes means feeding it more and better. It really is helping me for now and I like it.
So, after a month or so long snit over all this I am feeling a lot more confident and less stressed about it. Finally. Nice to be here. Also nice to see some of my pants that didn't fit quite the way I wanted when I started this feeling a bit better. Always a bonus and right on par with what my nutritionist said, slow and steady. I guess this patience thing takes some learning, but beginning to feel so worth it!
Thursday, March 8, 2012
My Own Problem? My Own Solution?
I found this quote today on another blog, it says "You are your own problem and you are your own solution." Now, this SPOKE to me for a number of reasons.
First, I had my Skype session with my nutritionist (finally!) the other night. It is always good to get both a professional's and outsider'ss opinion on things. She did make me feel better by telling me that I am really grasping some of the concepts of intuitive eating. She also told me that I am too hard on myself. (DUH!) I always have been tough on myself, not sure why. I can only assume it is one of the qualities of being a perfectionist, fabulous! Anyway, basically being too hard on myself will only slow progress in this path to intuitive eating. Ding ding...there I am being my own problem.
Second, again in the session, as we were chatting she was kind of making me think of WHY I sometimes get so anxious around food or in certain situations involving food. A light bulb went off. I tend to "take on" other people's emotions or I worry about if others around me are having a good time. I don't worry or pay attention to myself. Therefore, I am not self-aware and cannot really engage in intuitive eating. I figured this out by explaining a story from the weekend when Jeremy had been rather grumpy and I just assumed it was something I did (again, taking responsibility for nothing!) and that put me in a funk and unfortunately led to me kind of falling off my intuitive eating wagon. Again, being my own problem.
Third, as I was just pondering all of these light bulb moments that were arising this morning. I also thought about another issue. I never really SLOW down per say. I am always up and moving from one thing or another, especially in the evenings when I get home from work. Or, as Jeremy will tell you, when I try to watch a movie! Anyway, in this rush to get things done for the next day, or house chores done, I also rush my meals or decisions about what to have. Again, by doing so I cannot engage in intuitive eating. I can't really listen to my body, what it wants, what it needs, when I am full. Ding ding ding Jen...being your own problem again!
So, as I realize that I am my own problem in a number of instances here, I can also, as the quote says, become my own solution. See, I think with this intuitive eating process I believed it would just all come to me at once and be easy. Oops, WRONG! I realized this before my session with my nutritionist started. I guess it is because before I have always taken the "easy" and rather unhealthy route when it came to food, I just restricted and ignored my body. This is the complete polar opposite of what I am doing now! So this is all way out of my comfort zone and a change!! But, it is also the SOLUTION to what I have been struggling with for so long.
How am I going to be my own solution to some of the problems I make for myself? Well, this is how. First, I need to SLOW down. Now, this will take quite a bit of effort as I am Type A and that won't change. But I need to realize that life will still happen, it doesn't all have to be done at once. I also need to incorporate the idea of intuitive eating, that food will be there regardless, don't have to rush meals. Take time. Savor. I may also try a yoga class or DVD once a week. And really make an effort to do so, as I have made this promise to myself before and obviously gotten nowhere. Another thing I can do to solve my problems above is realize that more often than NOT other people's moods and emotions have nothing to do with me. That the ONLY person I am responsible for is myself. That I am in charge of my own happiness and moods and that's it. I am not responsible for others. OF course I will still be happy and pleasant and aid in promotion of good moods, but I can't change the way people think or feel. LIGHT BULB!!!
I believe this what one calls progress and I am feeling good about it. Finally, after a month or so of struggling. So, here's to everyone being their own solution!
First, I had my Skype session with my nutritionist (finally!) the other night. It is always good to get both a professional's and outsider'ss opinion on things. She did make me feel better by telling me that I am really grasping some of the concepts of intuitive eating. She also told me that I am too hard on myself. (DUH!) I always have been tough on myself, not sure why. I can only assume it is one of the qualities of being a perfectionist, fabulous! Anyway, basically being too hard on myself will only slow progress in this path to intuitive eating. Ding ding...there I am being my own problem.
Second, again in the session, as we were chatting she was kind of making me think of WHY I sometimes get so anxious around food or in certain situations involving food. A light bulb went off. I tend to "take on" other people's emotions or I worry about if others around me are having a good time. I don't worry or pay attention to myself. Therefore, I am not self-aware and cannot really engage in intuitive eating. I figured this out by explaining a story from the weekend when Jeremy had been rather grumpy and I just assumed it was something I did (again, taking responsibility for nothing!) and that put me in a funk and unfortunately led to me kind of falling off my intuitive eating wagon. Again, being my own problem.
Third, as I was just pondering all of these light bulb moments that were arising this morning. I also thought about another issue. I never really SLOW down per say. I am always up and moving from one thing or another, especially in the evenings when I get home from work. Or, as Jeremy will tell you, when I try to watch a movie! Anyway, in this rush to get things done for the next day, or house chores done, I also rush my meals or decisions about what to have. Again, by doing so I cannot engage in intuitive eating. I can't really listen to my body, what it wants, what it needs, when I am full. Ding ding ding Jen...being your own problem again!
So, as I realize that I am my own problem in a number of instances here, I can also, as the quote says, become my own solution. See, I think with this intuitive eating process I believed it would just all come to me at once and be easy. Oops, WRONG! I realized this before my session with my nutritionist started. I guess it is because before I have always taken the "easy" and rather unhealthy route when it came to food, I just restricted and ignored my body. This is the complete polar opposite of what I am doing now! So this is all way out of my comfort zone and a change!! But, it is also the SOLUTION to what I have been struggling with for so long.
How am I going to be my own solution to some of the problems I make for myself? Well, this is how. First, I need to SLOW down. Now, this will take quite a bit of effort as I am Type A and that won't change. But I need to realize that life will still happen, it doesn't all have to be done at once. I also need to incorporate the idea of intuitive eating, that food will be there regardless, don't have to rush meals. Take time. Savor. I may also try a yoga class or DVD once a week. And really make an effort to do so, as I have made this promise to myself before and obviously gotten nowhere. Another thing I can do to solve my problems above is realize that more often than NOT other people's moods and emotions have nothing to do with me. That the ONLY person I am responsible for is myself. That I am in charge of my own happiness and moods and that's it. I am not responsible for others. OF course I will still be happy and pleasant and aid in promotion of good moods, but I can't change the way people think or feel. LIGHT BULB!!!
I believe this what one calls progress and I am feeling good about it. Finally, after a month or so of struggling. So, here's to everyone being their own solution!
Monday, March 5, 2012
Been Thinking
Well, the weekend went too fast again and now it's already Monday night! Bloomington was a good time as usual. Good to visit with the family and Miles. I always crack up watching Jeremy and Miles together, they are almost the same person sometimes! They laugh just the same...seriously its scary. All in all it was a good time, but again I had a little setback.
I won't get into all the nitty gritty of the setback, because to be honest its exhausting to keep going back there and I am a little upset with myself over it. I know I am supposed to relax about it all and know it is part of the process, but it's getting old! It is like I come so far and have all the best intentions and then WHAM three steps back. It is almost like a small part of me sabotages the larger part that is trying to be strong and get better. I try to relax about it and I do handle it a little better than I used to, but I would just assume not be in that position at all. My nutritionist has some ideas to talk with me about during our session tomorrow. She wants to share some thoughts and exercises that will help me out when I am struggling or facing tough situations when it comes to this stuff. I am going to really listen and incorporate these from now on. I think, again, part of me hears and understands it all but there is some part of me won't fully embrace it. I think it is the same part of me that sabotages progress at certain times. I really want that part not to rear its ugly head so often, I am so fed up. I just want to be better. I think I will, this is just all going to take a long while.
Man! I am a little bit Debbie Downer today but feels a little better to have it off my chest! On the brighter side, I got my new cookbook and am planning to try out a new recipe or two this week! I already tried some new protein bars tonight, not bad, but also not the greatest, but tasted alright. Definitely what we call "Jen food" in our house.
So, I am going to try to keep my head up right now. I have to look at the progress I have made and remember that this is about progress not perfection. As a perfectionist, this is pretty hard to fully embrace, but I am going to try like hell!
I won't get into all the nitty gritty of the setback, because to be honest its exhausting to keep going back there and I am a little upset with myself over it. I know I am supposed to relax about it all and know it is part of the process, but it's getting old! It is like I come so far and have all the best intentions and then WHAM three steps back. It is almost like a small part of me sabotages the larger part that is trying to be strong and get better. I try to relax about it and I do handle it a little better than I used to, but I would just assume not be in that position at all. My nutritionist has some ideas to talk with me about during our session tomorrow. She wants to share some thoughts and exercises that will help me out when I am struggling or facing tough situations when it comes to this stuff. I am going to really listen and incorporate these from now on. I think, again, part of me hears and understands it all but there is some part of me won't fully embrace it. I think it is the same part of me that sabotages progress at certain times. I really want that part not to rear its ugly head so often, I am so fed up. I just want to be better. I think I will, this is just all going to take a long while.
Man! I am a little bit Debbie Downer today but feels a little better to have it off my chest! On the brighter side, I got my new cookbook and am planning to try out a new recipe or two this week! I already tried some new protein bars tonight, not bad, but also not the greatest, but tasted alright. Definitely what we call "Jen food" in our house.
So, I am going to try to keep my head up right now. I have to look at the progress I have made and remember that this is about progress not perfection. As a perfectionist, this is pretty hard to fully embrace, but I am going to try like hell!
Friday, March 2, 2012
Packing Up and Heading Out
It's Friday and the Dunham's are heading to Bloomington. We are going up this weekend to visit the in-laws, split up our Cardinals season tickets (yay!!) and hang out with one of Jeremy's college buddies from Chicago, Miles. I am really looking forward to it. I have been itching to get out of town (and not just to STL) for awhile now and hoping this will scratch that itch some. Not to mention I get to relax in the hot tub with a big glass of wine!
I didn't meet with my nutritionist last night due to the fact that I was busy packing and the fact that Jeremy deleted everything from the computer and I have to reload Skype to have the meeting. But I am kind of glad the meeting was postponed. Why is that? Well, I have mentioned before that sometimes going to Bloomington causes me some stress where food and meals are concerned. Last time we visited, I went in strong willed and ready to be intuitive about all things food related, but I had a bit of a set back. Looking back I think the set back was good for me. This made me see where I don't want to be, how I don't want to feel and gives me motivation this time around NOT to go back there. It's not fun. Both the physical and psychological feelings are rather unpleasant. So, this time around I do feel a little stronger. I know I may have a set back and that's ok. I want to see how this weekend goes and then delve into it all with my nutritionist on Tuesday when we meet. I want to be able to give her a good report but, if I I have a setback we can go over why it happened and how not to keep going back to that point. Hopefully though I have mostly good things to report.
I am beginning to feel a little stronger with both the eating and the distorted thoughts. I am not sure why but just seems like I am beginning to get it more, its beginning to click. Really doing what I said I would and learning to not stress so much about it all and take the advice that is tattooed on my body, Breathe, really is beginning to work. Funny, I fight some of these ideas for so long but when I give in, they (AHA!) work. Guess I am a little stubborn like my father after all.
So, with my stronger attitude and itch to bust out of here I am ready to head north to Bloomington. Ready to find out what Cardinals games we get to go to this season and also ready to see what downtown Bloomington has in store for the Dunham Duo and Miles tomorrow evening! Hope everyone has a great weekend!! Cheers!!
I didn't meet with my nutritionist last night due to the fact that I was busy packing and the fact that Jeremy deleted everything from the computer and I have to reload Skype to have the meeting. But I am kind of glad the meeting was postponed. Why is that? Well, I have mentioned before that sometimes going to Bloomington causes me some stress where food and meals are concerned. Last time we visited, I went in strong willed and ready to be intuitive about all things food related, but I had a bit of a set back. Looking back I think the set back was good for me. This made me see where I don't want to be, how I don't want to feel and gives me motivation this time around NOT to go back there. It's not fun. Both the physical and psychological feelings are rather unpleasant. So, this time around I do feel a little stronger. I know I may have a set back and that's ok. I want to see how this weekend goes and then delve into it all with my nutritionist on Tuesday when we meet. I want to be able to give her a good report but, if I I have a setback we can go over why it happened and how not to keep going back to that point. Hopefully though I have mostly good things to report.
I am beginning to feel a little stronger with both the eating and the distorted thoughts. I am not sure why but just seems like I am beginning to get it more, its beginning to click. Really doing what I said I would and learning to not stress so much about it all and take the advice that is tattooed on my body, Breathe, really is beginning to work. Funny, I fight some of these ideas for so long but when I give in, they (AHA!) work. Guess I am a little stubborn like my father after all.
So, with my stronger attitude and itch to bust out of here I am ready to head north to Bloomington. Ready to find out what Cardinals games we get to go to this season and also ready to see what downtown Bloomington has in store for the Dunham Duo and Miles tomorrow evening! Hope everyone has a great weekend!! Cheers!!
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
First Long Run!
I did it! I ran 6.5 miles today and my knee held up and hasn't had many twinges since!! Now, I am not going to lie, during the run today I had thoughts about stopping, not because of any knee pain but because of how winded I was getting. However, about mile 4 my real runner's high kicked in and I felt I could keep going and going and I did. All the way until 6.5 miles were dunzo. I was so elated. I haven't run that far since maybe last May if that! So needless to say that gave me some inspiration to keep going and motivation to keep getting better and stronger.
I have a Skype session scheduled tomorrow with my nutritionist that I am looking forward too. Not only just to get a little "tune up" in but also because this weekend we are planning to head to Bloomington and last time going there was a bit of a challenge for me. I am trying to look back on the last trip and remember thoughts I had and use these as motivation to keep from going there again. I know I am strong enough and can be in tune enough with myself, I just have to really put that to practice and I am really going to try. I am pretty excited for the trip overall though, as I always have fun up there. Not to mention good eats and cocktails!
Well, now that Leap Day is winding down, heading to the store as the Dunham household is about outta any food but pasta and some baked beans! Hope everyone had a good Leap Day! Here's to March and real Spring around the corner.
I have a Skype session scheduled tomorrow with my nutritionist that I am looking forward too. Not only just to get a little "tune up" in but also because this weekend we are planning to head to Bloomington and last time going there was a bit of a challenge for me. I am trying to look back on the last trip and remember thoughts I had and use these as motivation to keep from going there again. I know I am strong enough and can be in tune enough with myself, I just have to really put that to practice and I am really going to try. I am pretty excited for the trip overall though, as I always have fun up there. Not to mention good eats and cocktails!
Well, now that Leap Day is winding down, heading to the store as the Dunham household is about outta any food but pasta and some baked beans! Hope everyone had a good Leap Day! Here's to March and real Spring around the corner.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Proud Sister
Tuesday is here and almost done now, seems like the week is flying by! Not always a bad thing especially when it seems to be going smoother than last week for me. Not so much for my husband who seems to be down and out today with either the flu or something along thost lines. Either way, not pretty at our household. I am keeping my distance.
Tonight that distance involves Dad and I heading over to St. Louis for an award ceremony for my brother Ben. He is a St. Louis Police Officer. Yes, I didn't only marry a police officer, my brother is one as well. They are everywhere! Anyway, he is being recognized tonight in regards to a scary incident he was involved in last fall. Even though Jeremy and I tease him about getting this award, I am very proud of him. I have always been kind of a mother hen and rather protective of my baby brother. Which is now funny that he is about 6 inches taller than me and much broader. But, I always have been that way with him. It is funny for me to watch him all dressed up in uniform and doing his job as a St. Louis police officer. Guess I should be used to it by now, he's done it for almost two years, but I am not. Either way, as scary as it is for him to be a police officer in St. Louis City, I can't express really how proud I am of him. He won't ever let me get to gushy so I figured I could put some of it on here, because I doubt he reads it regularly. So, needless to say I may get a little emotional tonight, damn that big sister gene!!
On other fronts, I realized last night I am kind of slacking in my personal cooking challenge. I have done some baking of new healthy desserts lately. I made some awesome cookie dough balls from the website ChocolateCoveredKatie.com. I recommend them if you are craving something sweet and healthy! But, I haven't been COOKING much. I am trying to remedy that by buying a new cookbook off Amazon (I'm Jen and I am addicted to Amazon) and hopefully trying some new recipes out of that book. The cookbook I purchased is The Hungry Girl Cookbook. I get her daily emails so I decided to give her book a try! Will keep everyone posted on progress.
I am still kind of struggling with the body image stuff as another pair of jeans didn't fit how I wanted this morning. But I have been emailing with my nutritionist and she keeps repeating to me that STRESS plays a big roll in this process and the more I stress the worse off I will be. Which I do realize but I am a worrier, a fusser, I stress. But for some reason her teling me pointe blank (for the 100th time) that the stress hormones can interfere with weight and such, it FINALLY hit me. Kind of another AHA moment so to speak. So I am really, really going to try to make an effort to CHILLAX about this. For goodness sake I have "Breathe" tattooed on my wrist, I put it there for a reason when I started this journey.It is supposed to be a daily reminderalthough I haven't been using it much lately. Time to stop ignoring it and get back to business.
Well, it's off to Ben's ceremony in a short while. Taking the kleenex and the camera with me! Have a great Tuesdsay everyone.
Tonight that distance involves Dad and I heading over to St. Louis for an award ceremony for my brother Ben. He is a St. Louis Police Officer. Yes, I didn't only marry a police officer, my brother is one as well. They are everywhere! Anyway, he is being recognized tonight in regards to a scary incident he was involved in last fall. Even though Jeremy and I tease him about getting this award, I am very proud of him. I have always been kind of a mother hen and rather protective of my baby brother. Which is now funny that he is about 6 inches taller than me and much broader. But, I always have been that way with him. It is funny for me to watch him all dressed up in uniform and doing his job as a St. Louis police officer. Guess I should be used to it by now, he's done it for almost two years, but I am not. Either way, as scary as it is for him to be a police officer in St. Louis City, I can't express really how proud I am of him. He won't ever let me get to gushy so I figured I could put some of it on here, because I doubt he reads it regularly. So, needless to say I may get a little emotional tonight, damn that big sister gene!!
On other fronts, I realized last night I am kind of slacking in my personal cooking challenge. I have done some baking of new healthy desserts lately. I made some awesome cookie dough balls from the website ChocolateCoveredKatie.com. I recommend them if you are craving something sweet and healthy! But, I haven't been COOKING much. I am trying to remedy that by buying a new cookbook off Amazon (I'm Jen and I am addicted to Amazon) and hopefully trying some new recipes out of that book. The cookbook I purchased is The Hungry Girl Cookbook. I get her daily emails so I decided to give her book a try! Will keep everyone posted on progress.
I am still kind of struggling with the body image stuff as another pair of jeans didn't fit how I wanted this morning. But I have been emailing with my nutritionist and she keeps repeating to me that STRESS plays a big roll in this process and the more I stress the worse off I will be. Which I do realize but I am a worrier, a fusser, I stress. But for some reason her teling me pointe blank (for the 100th time) that the stress hormones can interfere with weight and such, it FINALLY hit me. Kind of another AHA moment so to speak. So I am really, really going to try to make an effort to CHILLAX about this. For goodness sake I have "Breathe" tattooed on my wrist, I put it there for a reason when I started this journey.It is supposed to be a daily reminderalthough I haven't been using it much lately. Time to stop ignoring it and get back to business.
Well, it's off to Ben's ceremony in a short while. Taking the kleenex and the camera with me! Have a great Tuesdsay everyone.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Dancing Fools
I can't believe it is already Sunday! The weekends seem to go faster and faster. This one was no different. Yesterday Jeremy did a fundraiser called the Polar Plunge for Special Olympics with some people he works with. Basically they all got in their swimming trunks and swimming suits in forty degree weather and then jumped into the freezing cold water of Carlyle Lake! Craziness! But it was for a good cause and he had funl. He also raised $600 in the process which I was very proud of. After he plunged and changed into warm, dry clothes we had lunch with some of the team members we hardly ever see. After a quick cat nap at home, we headed out for the evening.
We went over to St. Charles, Missouri and went to the Ameristar Casino to see a fabulous band, Dr. Zhivegas play a show with some friends. The band was awesome as they always are and we all boogeyed the night away. Which happens to be one of mine and Dunham's favorite things to do. It was a really fun evening but now we are back to Sunday! Another lazy one in this household after the busy weekend.
Tomorrow is the start of the half marathon training. My goal of the afternoon is to put together my schedule, I have been putting it off a few days. Hope everyone had a fabulous weekend and here's hoping the week ahead is a good one!!
We went over to St. Charles, Missouri and went to the Ameristar Casino to see a fabulous band, Dr. Zhivegas play a show with some friends. The band was awesome as they always are and we all boogeyed the night away. Which happens to be one of mine and Dunham's favorite things to do. It was a really fun evening but now we are back to Sunday! Another lazy one in this household after the busy weekend.
Tomorrow is the start of the half marathon training. My goal of the afternoon is to put together my schedule, I have been putting it off a few days. Hope everyone had a fabulous weekend and here's hoping the week ahead is a good one!!
Friday, February 24, 2012
Training around the Corner
Here it is Friday again and I am very thankful!! Phew, made it! I have been waiting for Friday since Monday. However, what is on my mind today isn't just the fun weekend ahead, but also the next eight weeks. On Monday I will start training for the Champaign Half Marathon in April. April 29th to be exact. This will be my 7th (I think ) half marathon. This will be my first long race since my knee injury. I am both excited and a little intimidated.
Because I am a wee bit OCD and organized , I always have a training plan for these races that I stick to. It makes me feel more in control, shocking I know. But it also helps keep me honest and looking back as I train keeps me motivated during those weeks where I think what the heck have I gotten myself into. So this year is no different, I am scouring the Internet looking up different plans and paces, trying to decide what is right for me. When I visited the Runner's World website and looked at one of the plans there was also a link to some nutrition articles. I decided to click on one. Glad I did.
I clicked on an article titled "Running on Empty". The article is written by a male runner who talks about his experience training for his first marathon and the disordered eating patterns he developed in the process. The article goes on to talk about issues with disordered eating and runners. Let me tell you, I saw myself and my behaviors in there. In the article the writer states that manipulating one's food and body offers a sense of control and perfection. WHOA yup, that's me. Control and perfection have always been part of who I am, part of my personality. I like to think it has to do with my birth order. But I digress, I read this article with eyes wide, absorbing it all. It discussed that runners often lose weight and think that is why their times improve, rather than other factors such as training and sleep habits. This was me. As was the example of the runner who would do his long runs and never properly refuel and pretty much make himself sick . I wasn't near as bad as the man mentioned in the article, but I often only ate a measly Quaker Oats 100 calorie granola bar for breakfast after a 10 mile run. Then only a Clif bar and apple for lunch. Yes, really I did that. I know, it's not good. I consider myself blessed I didn't get hurt sooner than I did over training and treating myself this way. Guess my knee injury was God's way of telling me JEN treat yourself RIGHT!!
So, after reading the article with motivating statements in it telling the readers that healthy eating isn't less eating and so forth I feel ready to tackle this half marathon training. I am struggling right now with the food thing, I have been honest about that here in the past few posts. But I am still eating, trying not to let myself restrict, trying not to fuss and trying respect my body. Trying to understand my body is changing, adjusting to being treated better, finally. With the training will come more changes, as I will be running more and there will be spikes in hunger levels. But I will try my best and give it my all to listen to my body and what it wants. Give it what it needs, especially after long runs. Which is definitely not just a 100 calorie granola bar! I am going to keep thinking the healthy eating is not less eating and try to nourish my body.
I have done enough half marathons to know that I will hit my wall at 7 1/2 miles wondering why I decided to do this. What was I thinking? But this year I will try to push past that point by thinking that I am really doing this for the healthier Jen. For the Jen that back in July could not run 1 mile pain free. I am doing this to prove to myself that I am strong and I will overcome these issues I have with food and body image. I am going to cross that finish line proud, no matter what time is on the clock, because I treated my body right. I will know I did my best and I have come so far and will continue to do so.
Cheers everyone! Happy Friday!
Because I am a wee bit OCD and organized , I always have a training plan for these races that I stick to. It makes me feel more in control, shocking I know. But it also helps keep me honest and looking back as I train keeps me motivated during those weeks where I think what the heck have I gotten myself into. So this year is no different, I am scouring the Internet looking up different plans and paces, trying to decide what is right for me. When I visited the Runner's World website and looked at one of the plans there was also a link to some nutrition articles. I decided to click on one. Glad I did.
I clicked on an article titled "Running on Empty". The article is written by a male runner who talks about his experience training for his first marathon and the disordered eating patterns he developed in the process. The article goes on to talk about issues with disordered eating and runners. Let me tell you, I saw myself and my behaviors in there. In the article the writer states that manipulating one's food and body offers a sense of control and perfection. WHOA yup, that's me. Control and perfection have always been part of who I am, part of my personality. I like to think it has to do with my birth order. But I digress, I read this article with eyes wide, absorbing it all. It discussed that runners often lose weight and think that is why their times improve, rather than other factors such as training and sleep habits. This was me. As was the example of the runner who would do his long runs and never properly refuel and pretty much make himself sick . I wasn't near as bad as the man mentioned in the article, but I often only ate a measly Quaker Oats 100 calorie granola bar for breakfast after a 10 mile run. Then only a Clif bar and apple for lunch. Yes, really I did that. I know, it's not good. I consider myself blessed I didn't get hurt sooner than I did over training and treating myself this way. Guess my knee injury was God's way of telling me JEN treat yourself RIGHT!!
So, after reading the article with motivating statements in it telling the readers that healthy eating isn't less eating and so forth I feel ready to tackle this half marathon training. I am struggling right now with the food thing, I have been honest about that here in the past few posts. But I am still eating, trying not to let myself restrict, trying not to fuss and trying respect my body. Trying to understand my body is changing, adjusting to being treated better, finally. With the training will come more changes, as I will be running more and there will be spikes in hunger levels. But I will try my best and give it my all to listen to my body and what it wants. Give it what it needs, especially after long runs. Which is definitely not just a 100 calorie granola bar! I am going to keep thinking the healthy eating is not less eating and try to nourish my body.
I have done enough half marathons to know that I will hit my wall at 7 1/2 miles wondering why I decided to do this. What was I thinking? But this year I will try to push past that point by thinking that I am really doing this for the healthier Jen. For the Jen that back in July could not run 1 mile pain free. I am doing this to prove to myself that I am strong and I will overcome these issues I have with food and body image. I am going to cross that finish line proud, no matter what time is on the clock, because I treated my body right. I will know I did my best and I have come so far and will continue to do so.
Cheers everyone! Happy Friday!
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Turnaround Tuesday and a Little Reflection
Today was definitely a better day. I left yesterday behind and started over. Work was better and went smoother which is a big plus. Thank goodness for fabulous and fun co-workers! I am still struggling with the body stuff, but again I am trying to breathe and just chalk it up to hormones and all that fun girl stuff. Hoping and knowing it will pass (hopefully soon!) is helping me not to freak out too bad. But thinking and fussing over all this stuff has led me to some reflection.
When I realize how much I fuss over these (somewhat trivial) body image and food issues I can't help but feel guilty a bit. Why guilty? Well, I think of the precious time I waste doing it, time that my cousin Chrissy, who passed away when she was 17 and I was 16, would have given anything for. She had a very rare form of cancer that she fought with all she had. Even through her most radical, painful treatments she remained positive. When she finally was in remission I remember watching how much she treasured life. She didn't seem to fuss over the fact that her beautiful blond hair had fallen out and she was now bald. Nope, she rocked the bandannas. She didn't seem to fuss over really anyof the little stuff at the time,she seemed so happy to just be living her life as a normal teenager. Unfortunately, the cancer came back with a vengeance. There were no more treatment options, and just weeks after her 17th birthday and her Junior prom, Chrissy passed away. I still remember my Mom telling me the news, trying to process all the emotions was so hard. I remember how sad and difficult her funeral was. The song Amazing Grace will never be the same. It was one of the hardest things to understand and accept, but I know she is watching over all of us and is now no longer in pain.
Recently, more and more, when I think about and realize how much time I fuss over this (basically) trivial stuff I think about Chrissy. I think about how she wouldn't be real happy with me for basically wasting time being so down when I should be enjoying life. I should be enjoy being young, being HEALTHY. She went through so much during her illness and treatment. She went through hell and back and yet she remained positive. Did she have her hard moments, yes, but she fought to live and be healthy. Now, here I am perfectly healthy, yet I fight it. I fuss. I think I look fat, I feel bloated, I think pants fit too tight. I waste and lose precious time fussing over things that basically do not matter. The bottom line is that I am healthy I am here, I am alive. Why the heck not be happy and LIVE my life. Why not let the trivial stuff go? Chrissy would have. Chrissy did exactly that when she was here with us.
Through all this reflection I have decided that I really do need to start embracing real life more and stop fussing over the rather trivial parts. I know my body image and food issues are a part of me and something I will always have to deal with on some level. But they don't have to control me like the have, like they do, there is so much more to life. Chrissy taught me that. I need to strive to be and stay healthy and enjoy everyday I have. Even the days that stink, I need to find something positive, something to enjoy. To me, my goal and choice to change doesn't only mean embracing a healthier lifestyle but embracing life in general. It means learning to breathe, being happy, getting healthy and making Chrissy proud.
Love you Chrissy and I know your helping me along the way.
When I realize how much I fuss over these (somewhat trivial) body image and food issues I can't help but feel guilty a bit. Why guilty? Well, I think of the precious time I waste doing it, time that my cousin Chrissy, who passed away when she was 17 and I was 16, would have given anything for. She had a very rare form of cancer that she fought with all she had. Even through her most radical, painful treatments she remained positive. When she finally was in remission I remember watching how much she treasured life. She didn't seem to fuss over the fact that her beautiful blond hair had fallen out and she was now bald. Nope, she rocked the bandannas. She didn't seem to fuss over really anyof the little stuff at the time,she seemed so happy to just be living her life as a normal teenager. Unfortunately, the cancer came back with a vengeance. There were no more treatment options, and just weeks after her 17th birthday and her Junior prom, Chrissy passed away. I still remember my Mom telling me the news, trying to process all the emotions was so hard. I remember how sad and difficult her funeral was. The song Amazing Grace will never be the same. It was one of the hardest things to understand and accept, but I know she is watching over all of us and is now no longer in pain.
Recently, more and more, when I think about and realize how much time I fuss over this (basically) trivial stuff I think about Chrissy. I think about how she wouldn't be real happy with me for basically wasting time being so down when I should be enjoying life. I should be enjoy being young, being HEALTHY. She went through so much during her illness and treatment. She went through hell and back and yet she remained positive. Did she have her hard moments, yes, but she fought to live and be healthy. Now, here I am perfectly healthy, yet I fight it. I fuss. I think I look fat, I feel bloated, I think pants fit too tight. I waste and lose precious time fussing over things that basically do not matter. The bottom line is that I am healthy I am here, I am alive. Why the heck not be happy and LIVE my life. Why not let the trivial stuff go? Chrissy would have. Chrissy did exactly that when she was here with us.
Through all this reflection I have decided that I really do need to start embracing real life more and stop fussing over the rather trivial parts. I know my body image and food issues are a part of me and something I will always have to deal with on some level. But they don't have to control me like the have, like they do, there is so much more to life. Chrissy taught me that. I need to strive to be and stay healthy and enjoy everyday I have. Even the days that stink, I need to find something positive, something to enjoy. To me, my goal and choice to change doesn't only mean embracing a healthier lifestyle but embracing life in general. It means learning to breathe, being happy, getting healthy and making Chrissy proud.
Love you Chrissy and I know your helping me along the way.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Just Another Manic Monday!
I heard this song and all I could think was I hope that isn't how my Monday ends up. But, regardless of what I wished it did turn into a little bit of a manic Monday for this chick. But the good part is at least it is pretty much over! First, a recap of a weekend before I get to the nitty gritty!!
Weekend was a good time! Friday night we went and visited some great friends , Katie, Mike and their son Brady, at their new house WAY over in Missouri. It really wasn't far at all but I teased her about it some because her family did as well. Katie and I have been friends since we were in first grade, it is so surreal sometimes to be visiting now with husbands, kids and new houses. But, it is so fun and always great to see them. Saturday night we had a fundraiser for Jeremy's boss to attend. We went to dinner before the fundraiser with some old and new friends which was fun. We had cocktails and more fun at the fundraiser. I had some good girl talk with a good friend , Sam, who was so supportive and kind in everything she said. She told me she still reads my blog and just encouraged me which meant so much!Hopefully we can encourage each other as much when we run our half marathon in April! Sunday was a much needed veg day. Love those sometimes. Yes, even me, Ms. Non-Stop!!
As the weekend wrapped, it was on to this manic Monday. I have to be honest I am really struggling with the intuitive eating and body image thing at the moment. Part of me wants to blame it on "girl time" and part of me thinks maybe it is just a low. I know I am due for a tune up with my nutritionist and have scheduled one for late next week. I am struggling because I feel like my body is not changing at all through my better diet and my hard work. That it is instead revolting a bit or not responding at all. Although I have been reassured I am doing well, it is getting very difficult for me to believe it. Very hard to keep trusting this. Very hard to NOT fall into old habits, the quick fix. But I have calmed some and have vowed to not fall into the old habits. I know those aren't healthy and will not work long term. I believe realizing this is a good step. The staying focused and believing in myself is what I am struggling with most. I told my nutritionist that I know what the intuitive eating phases are and I understand them to a point but I know a part of me is not fully accepting them. She assured me that could in fact be the case and often is because it is scary to fully embrace these concepts. However, I realize that I need to quit being scared and embrace this. So far this process has been scary and eye opening at points, why still be scared? So to take steps in the direction of fully embracing all the concepts, I am re-reading the book I have and taking new notes. Trying to stay positive. I can't lie this is all hard. Very hard.
On top of the body issues I had going on in my head today, I also had a rather tough afternoon at work. Again, girl time helps nothing, but just had one of those Mondays I couldn't wait to end. And it did. I do tend to fuss some and worry when I have a tough day like today but my wise Mother did remind me to just breathe and let it go. One would think I would finally grasp this concept as it IS tattooed on my wrist. Baby steps. But Mom would be glad to know that why I did still fuss and worry, I did also sit back on the couch and relax some. Blogging is part of that relaxation for me.
So, now it is on to Tuesday which is hopefully less manic than Monday. On to re-educating myself on intuitive eating and staying strong through this process. To not let me get me is the goal of not only the week but the goal of this whole profess.
Weekend was a good time! Friday night we went and visited some great friends , Katie, Mike and their son Brady, at their new house WAY over in Missouri. It really wasn't far at all but I teased her about it some because her family did as well. Katie and I have been friends since we were in first grade, it is so surreal sometimes to be visiting now with husbands, kids and new houses. But, it is so fun and always great to see them. Saturday night we had a fundraiser for Jeremy's boss to attend. We went to dinner before the fundraiser with some old and new friends which was fun. We had cocktails and more fun at the fundraiser. I had some good girl talk with a good friend , Sam, who was so supportive and kind in everything she said. She told me she still reads my blog and just encouraged me which meant so much!Hopefully we can encourage each other as much when we run our half marathon in April! Sunday was a much needed veg day. Love those sometimes. Yes, even me, Ms. Non-Stop!!
As the weekend wrapped, it was on to this manic Monday. I have to be honest I am really struggling with the intuitive eating and body image thing at the moment. Part of me wants to blame it on "girl time" and part of me thinks maybe it is just a low. I know I am due for a tune up with my nutritionist and have scheduled one for late next week. I am struggling because I feel like my body is not changing at all through my better diet and my hard work. That it is instead revolting a bit or not responding at all. Although I have been reassured I am doing well, it is getting very difficult for me to believe it. Very hard to keep trusting this. Very hard to NOT fall into old habits, the quick fix. But I have calmed some and have vowed to not fall into the old habits. I know those aren't healthy and will not work long term. I believe realizing this is a good step. The staying focused and believing in myself is what I am struggling with most. I told my nutritionist that I know what the intuitive eating phases are and I understand them to a point but I know a part of me is not fully accepting them. She assured me that could in fact be the case and often is because it is scary to fully embrace these concepts. However, I realize that I need to quit being scared and embrace this. So far this process has been scary and eye opening at points, why still be scared? So to take steps in the direction of fully embracing all the concepts, I am re-reading the book I have and taking new notes. Trying to stay positive. I can't lie this is all hard. Very hard.
On top of the body issues I had going on in my head today, I also had a rather tough afternoon at work. Again, girl time helps nothing, but just had one of those Mondays I couldn't wait to end. And it did. I do tend to fuss some and worry when I have a tough day like today but my wise Mother did remind me to just breathe and let it go. One would think I would finally grasp this concept as it IS tattooed on my wrist. Baby steps. But Mom would be glad to know that why I did still fuss and worry, I did also sit back on the couch and relax some. Blogging is part of that relaxation for me.
So, now it is on to Tuesday which is hopefully less manic than Monday. On to re-educating myself on intuitive eating and staying strong through this process. To not let me get me is the goal of not only the week but the goal of this whole profess.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Friday Again
Friday again and thank goodness. For some reason, the end of this week has dragged on and on! But we finally made it! Looking forward to the weekend ahead. Tonight Jeremy and I are going to visit some friends who moved into a new "big kid" house in Missouri and tomorrow we have a fundraiser to attend. Looking forward to spending time with some friends I haven't caught up with in a bit. Should be fun.
This week has been really tough body image wise. I am hoping things improve next week and I am trying to be positive that they will. I know I will have ups and downs as I go through this so I am chalking this week up to a little bit of a down. There is no real reason I can pinpoint as to why I am down to fix it easily, so that's why I am just trying to shake it off. So I will do my best because I have been reassured by both my trainer and nutritionist this week that I am doing really well. That encourages me to get through weeks like this and hope and know next week will get better!
So here's hoping everyone has a fun weekend! Cheers!
This week has been really tough body image wise. I am hoping things improve next week and I am trying to be positive that they will. I know I will have ups and downs as I go through this so I am chalking this week up to a little bit of a down. There is no real reason I can pinpoint as to why I am down to fix it easily, so that's why I am just trying to shake it off. So I will do my best because I have been reassured by both my trainer and nutritionist this week that I am doing really well. That encourages me to get through weeks like this and hope and know next week will get better!
So here's hoping everyone has a fun weekend! Cheers!
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Where's the Sun??
It has been a dreary first part of the week here in the Midwest!! I don't know if that is having an effect on my mood or what, but it is kind of a tough body confidence week for me. I am feeling rather blah (and bloated) despite sticking with my regular workout and meals. Who knows, guess it is one of those things girls go through. Trying to just ride it out and chalk it up to PMS. Gotta love it!
Our computer crashed this morning, boo! So, the only blogging I will get to do the next couple of days is at the end of my work day until we fix the computer we have or get a new one. Hint, hint Dunham, I really want an Ipad!!!
On the upside of things I had a very positive (and hard) training session last night with Susie. We talked about what happened Sunday with the scale not moving and she reassured me (again) that I am doing really well and that my diet is really good. She even told me she wished more people, including herself, would eat like I do! That's coming from a professional, guess I can't get TOO down on myself huh? But talking with her about things, and seeing myself improve throughout my workout yesterday did lift a little bit of this funk. I am so thankful to have her, my nutritionist, my husband and the support of all my family and friends when I am feeling WAY down.
I am going to head home tonight, put on some comfy clothes, make a healthy dinner and veg with Jeremy and the pups. I am going to hope that tomorrow the sun will shine some and my funk will raise a bit. Regardless, I do have a workout scheduled tomorrow and that always helps and it is one day closer to Friday!
Our computer crashed this morning, boo! So, the only blogging I will get to do the next couple of days is at the end of my work day until we fix the computer we have or get a new one. Hint, hint Dunham, I really want an Ipad!!!
On the upside of things I had a very positive (and hard) training session last night with Susie. We talked about what happened Sunday with the scale not moving and she reassured me (again) that I am doing really well and that my diet is really good. She even told me she wished more people, including herself, would eat like I do! That's coming from a professional, guess I can't get TOO down on myself huh? But talking with her about things, and seeing myself improve throughout my workout yesterday did lift a little bit of this funk. I am so thankful to have her, my nutritionist, my husband and the support of all my family and friends when I am feeling WAY down.
I am going to head home tonight, put on some comfy clothes, make a healthy dinner and veg with Jeremy and the pups. I am going to hope that tomorrow the sun will shine some and my funk will raise a bit. Regardless, I do have a workout scheduled tomorrow and that always helps and it is one day closer to Friday!
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Lots of Love... not to get to gushy!
Today is Valentine's Day. There are flowers, chocolate and balloons all around! I normally don't get to mushy about Valentine's Day but my husband changed that this year. Way to go Dunham.
What has meant most to me today are the words my husband wrote on the inside of my very funny Valentine's card . He told me, in a short note, how proud he was of me for getting better with taking care of myself, treating myself right and how much he loves me. He had told me this same thing, last night, out of the blue. He hugged me and told me how proud he was of my establishing and continuing my good eating habits. Before yesterday and today, he has never really commented on things such as this before. Mainly because they are normally a touchy subject in our house! But his words meant so much to me last night and today. Especially because this morning I was having somewhat of a down body day, but his words and encouragement lifted me out of my funk. What he said made me realize there is more to life than fussing over feeling "chubby" one day. Thank you Dunham, your love and support mean more to me than you will even know.
But love and support in this journey hasn't come from just my husband. Good friends have written very encouraging and supportive comments to the blog that mean so much to me. I want those friends to know your words mean so much and really do motivate me to keep going. I also have gotten emails, Facebook messages and have had conversations with my family and friends that also mean so much. The support is unreal, and very touching.
So, I hope everyone is having a great Valentine's Day and I hope my Aunt is having a Fabulous 40th birthday! If you don't have anyone "special" today to spend the evening with, rethink that phrase. You DO have someone special to spend it with, because everyone is special in their own way. Cheesy I know, but I heard it in a hysterical E-card my husband sent to our friend Casey today and it rang true. So, try to send lots of love out into the world today. Whether it be kind words, a hug, a kiss, whatever, it means something to someone and lifts spirits. Maybe even your own! Happy Valentine's Day!
What has meant most to me today are the words my husband wrote on the inside of my very funny Valentine's card . He told me, in a short note, how proud he was of me for getting better with taking care of myself, treating myself right and how much he loves me. He had told me this same thing, last night, out of the blue. He hugged me and told me how proud he was of my establishing and continuing my good eating habits. Before yesterday and today, he has never really commented on things such as this before. Mainly because they are normally a touchy subject in our house! But his words meant so much to me last night and today. Especially because this morning I was having somewhat of a down body day, but his words and encouragement lifted me out of my funk. What he said made me realize there is more to life than fussing over feeling "chubby" one day. Thank you Dunham, your love and support mean more to me than you will even know.
But love and support in this journey hasn't come from just my husband. Good friends have written very encouraging and supportive comments to the blog that mean so much to me. I want those friends to know your words mean so much and really do motivate me to keep going. I also have gotten emails, Facebook messages and have had conversations with my family and friends that also mean so much. The support is unreal, and very touching.
So, I hope everyone is having a great Valentine's Day and I hope my Aunt is having a Fabulous 40th birthday! If you don't have anyone "special" today to spend the evening with, rethink that phrase. You DO have someone special to spend it with, because everyone is special in their own way. Cheesy I know, but I heard it in a hysterical E-card my husband sent to our friend Casey today and it rang true. So, try to send lots of love out into the world today. Whether it be kind words, a hug, a kiss, whatever, it means something to someone and lifts spirits. Maybe even your own! Happy Valentine's Day!
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Branching Out
I branched out today. I did it. I tried hot yoga. And WOW what a workout. After 90 minutes in a 98 degree room I was sufficiently exhausted and now am a little sore. It was a good workout all in all and I stretched places I didn't know could be stretched. I think I would be willing to try it again now, today mid-class with sweat pouring from every part of my body I wasn't so sure! But before yoga began, I hit a bit of a road bump in this path I am on.
Before I went to class today, when I got up, I decided I wanted to weigh myself again. To see if after all this hard work and such where I was. Well, yup, no weight lost. Now I know it's not really that big of a deal (well I can say that now, this morning it was) but it is in a way discouraging. I have been eating really well and correctly and exercising and yet, nothing shows on the scale, nada. Now I know weight loss isn't really my goal here at all, but I was sure I had lost a little. Nope. So I wrote my nutritionist a what the heck email about the situation then headed to hot yoga. By the time I was done (and uber sweaty) I had an email back from her. She was quite empathetic which helped and she told me this isn't a quick process. I know this, yet I still expected something. She told me I was doing everything right and encouraged me to not fall back into old patterns. Reading all this really helped. Especially with her telling me I was doing things right. I haven't really treated my body right food wise in a long time. So, I decided to put the scale away for the next six months. Why six months? She told me it can take up to that amount of time for all of this to balance out. So, I am going to practice that whole patience thing and leave the scale be.
What frustrated me about the whole experience before hot yoga this morning was that the number I saw on the scale put me in an instant snit. I was instantly down on myself. Not fun. I felt insecure at first during yoga. I compared myself to all the other ladies that walked in. I was just in a very negative place. But, over the next 90 minutes being forced to focus on myself, my body and what it could do, that changed. I began to realize I am getting stronger and I am getting healthier. That this is about health and balance not the number. Besides being physically challenging the yoga sweat-fest was also mentally challenging which is what I needed today.
So, while I started in a negative place today I am now feeling better. Also, instead of feeling discouraged about nothing changing yet, I am going to keep moving forward. Just the ambition to keep going forward is progress for me, because I would have given up in the past. Not this time. This time like this blog's title I am choosing to change.
Before I went to class today, when I got up, I decided I wanted to weigh myself again. To see if after all this hard work and such where I was. Well, yup, no weight lost. Now I know it's not really that big of a deal (well I can say that now, this morning it was) but it is in a way discouraging. I have been eating really well and correctly and exercising and yet, nothing shows on the scale, nada. Now I know weight loss isn't really my goal here at all, but I was sure I had lost a little. Nope. So I wrote my nutritionist a what the heck email about the situation then headed to hot yoga. By the time I was done (and uber sweaty) I had an email back from her. She was quite empathetic which helped and she told me this isn't a quick process. I know this, yet I still expected something. She told me I was doing everything right and encouraged me to not fall back into old patterns. Reading all this really helped. Especially with her telling me I was doing things right. I haven't really treated my body right food wise in a long time. So, I decided to put the scale away for the next six months. Why six months? She told me it can take up to that amount of time for all of this to balance out. So, I am going to practice that whole patience thing and leave the scale be.
What frustrated me about the whole experience before hot yoga this morning was that the number I saw on the scale put me in an instant snit. I was instantly down on myself. Not fun. I felt insecure at first during yoga. I compared myself to all the other ladies that walked in. I was just in a very negative place. But, over the next 90 minutes being forced to focus on myself, my body and what it could do, that changed. I began to realize I am getting stronger and I am getting healthier. That this is about health and balance not the number. Besides being physically challenging the yoga sweat-fest was also mentally challenging which is what I needed today.
So, while I started in a negative place today I am now feeling better. Also, instead of feeling discouraged about nothing changing yet, I am going to keep moving forward. Just the ambition to keep going forward is progress for me, because I would have given up in the past. Not this time. This time like this blog's title I am choosing to change.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
I can cook!
Or, well, I can make a mean pot of chicken tortilla soup in the crockpot! I tried a new recipe I found on what else, Pintrest ,for chicken tortilla soup and it turned out pretty darn good! Jeremy even agreed. I was quite pleased. I have always wanted to try this soup but never branched out, glad I did! Delicious and we have a TON leftover, thank goodness soup freezes well!
Today was a pretty low key Saturday, just some lunch and shopping around town with Mom. I like those kind of Saturdays! The pups even got to go to grandma and grandpa's and visit with grandpa while Mom nd I shopped. Although, I am pretty sure all they did was nap.
Another exciting weekend night of vegging on the couch watching movies. Looking forward to trying out hot yoga in the morning! Wish me luck!
Today was a pretty low key Saturday, just some lunch and shopping around town with Mom. I like those kind of Saturdays! The pups even got to go to grandma and grandpa's and visit with grandpa while Mom nd I shopped. Although, I am pretty sure all they did was nap.
Another exciting weekend night of vegging on the couch watching movies. Looking forward to trying out hot yoga in the morning! Wish me luck!
Friday, February 10, 2012
Constructive Criticism
It is finally Friday night and I am on the couch. Exactly where I want to be on this cold February night. After a long week at work, it's nice to be doing a whole lot of nothing tonight and pretty much all weekend. Have a shopping and lunch date with Mom tomorrow and my plan is on Sunday morning to try hot yoga. I have had a Groupon for some time for it now, but I haven't been brave enough to try it. But I figured carpe diem (or carpe Sunday) and go for it.
As I was getting ready to write on here tonight Jeremy told me I need to switch things up a little. I am not always a good recipient of "constructive" criticism as he called it. Something in me just takes it personally. I guess because this blog is pretty personal. I also just don't want to get too boring or repetitive, which he said I was doing. He focused on the repetitiveness more than the boring, or at least that is what he said! So, I guess I will start branching out a bit more on HERE too. I get some inspiration from other blogs so maybe I will look at a few and get some new ideas!
Now it is time to read some trashy magazines and relax on the couch on this blustery night. Happy Friday to all and to all a good night!
As I was getting ready to write on here tonight Jeremy told me I need to switch things up a little. I am not always a good recipient of "constructive" criticism as he called it. Something in me just takes it personally. I guess because this blog is pretty personal. I also just don't want to get too boring or repetitive, which he said I was doing. He focused on the repetitiveness more than the boring, or at least that is what he said! So, I guess I will start branching out a bit more on HERE too. I get some inspiration from other blogs so maybe I will look at a few and get some new ideas!
Now it is time to read some trashy magazines and relax on the couch on this blustery night. Happy Friday to all and to all a good night!
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Calories In, Calories Out
So, I finally put it down on paper today. I wrote it out so I could see it. I calculated my caloric needs per day. Turns out, no surprise here and as my nutritionist warned, I am well under where I need to be calorically. According to these calculations, with my activity level and age , to maintain my weight I need about 2,300 calories a day. Yes, 2,300. Whoa. Needless to say I am not eating 2,300 calories a day. So, while I don't need to hit this number exactly I do need to increase my caloric intake. By eating more, both my therapist and nutritionist have assured me before and again now, I won't gain weight. Rather, I will gain muscle and likely even lose a little weight. Not that that is a goal for me, but not going to lie, it's a perk for every gal.
Although I have taken some huge strides forward, I do still hold onto a few fears, I can't lie. I do still fear eating TOO much and clearly my calculations on my calories in are off. So, today's calculations help to lift my fear some. The encouragement of my therapist and nutritionist help a bunch as well. But, most of all, my desire to be healthier, get stronger (not just skinny) and to be comfortable around and with food drives me to put my mind to it and just do it. Not to sound like a Nike commercial. But, anyone that knows me knows that I am a tad bit stubborn, and I plan to use that stubbornness to my advantage in this situation. To not give up, to keep forging on. To be the healthiest Jen I can be!
Although I have taken some huge strides forward, I do still hold onto a few fears, I can't lie. I do still fear eating TOO much and clearly my calculations on my calories in are off. So, today's calculations help to lift my fear some. The encouragement of my therapist and nutritionist help a bunch as well. But, most of all, my desire to be healthier, get stronger (not just skinny) and to be comfortable around and with food drives me to put my mind to it and just do it. Not to sound like a Nike commercial. But, anyone that knows me knows that I am a tad bit stubborn, and I plan to use that stubbornness to my advantage in this situation. To not give up, to keep forging on. To be the healthiest Jen I can be!
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Great News! Great Dinner!
The Dunham's got some EXCELLENT news today! Today we found out that my father in law is CANCER free!! He had been diagnosed with prostate cancer last May, had surgery in July and has been recovering since. The last PSA test (the test that indicated if cancer is present) was really low, but today it was ZERO!! This is absolutely fantastic news!!
To celebrate this good news, and the fact that it is American Idol night, it was pizza night in the Dunham household tonight. I didn't mention in my last post about our pizza nights here that Jeremy makes all the crust and bread sticks from scratch, and let me tell you AMAZEBALLS!! Tonight we made my pizza a little differently and grilled the crust up first then topped it with all my veggie deliciousness!! I even added some new toppings tonight, roasted garlic and spinach along with the usual veggies and some light sprinkling of cheese. I even tried some red pepper flakes!It was SO good. It was cracker thin crust and hit the spot!! I ate all but one piece of what we named the "Squirt" pizza. The pups and Jeremy enjoyed the last piece. I can't wait to have this again and add even more new toppings or maybe a new cheese! It is so nice to enjoy a dinner experience and ignore or disregard negative thoughts. In fact tonight, there were none. Another step in the right direction I believe.
Now after this day of fabulous news and a delicious dinner we are relaxing on the couch watching the Idol contestants try to make it through Hollywood week. Hope everyone is having a fabulous Wednesday as well.
To celebrate this good news, and the fact that it is American Idol night, it was pizza night in the Dunham household tonight. I didn't mention in my last post about our pizza nights here that Jeremy makes all the crust and bread sticks from scratch, and let me tell you AMAZEBALLS!! Tonight we made my pizza a little differently and grilled the crust up first then topped it with all my veggie deliciousness!! I even added some new toppings tonight, roasted garlic and spinach along with the usual veggies and some light sprinkling of cheese. I even tried some red pepper flakes!It was SO good. It was cracker thin crust and hit the spot!! I ate all but one piece of what we named the "Squirt" pizza. The pups and Jeremy enjoyed the last piece. I can't wait to have this again and add even more new toppings or maybe a new cheese! It is so nice to enjoy a dinner experience and ignore or disregard negative thoughts. In fact tonight, there were none. Another step in the right direction I believe.
Now after this day of fabulous news and a delicious dinner we are relaxing on the couch watching the Idol contestants try to make it through Hollywood week. Hope everyone is having a fabulous Wednesday as well.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Opposites Attract
Like Paula Abdul once sang, "Opposites attract". As far as the eating habits of Dunham and I this couldn't be more true! I have mentioned before on my blog that Jeremy doesn't necessarily share an intrest in healthy eating and cooking like I do. Well, that was made all the more apparent tonight. I came home from a tough workout with Susie. He cooked me a chicken breast and I made a big spinach salad with lots of goodies like beans, a little avacado, a little cheese, veggies and topped with a salsa ranch dressing I made. It was quite tasty and filling. Now, Dunham on the other hand. He made himself a 3/4 pound cheeseburger with onion and American cheese. And for his side dish he tested out his trusty new deep fryer and made some french fries and cheese balls. Yes, cheeseballs at home! He was in burger and fried food heaven. I have to say I tried a couple fries and he did pretty good! The dinner experience tonight made me giggle and think.
Yes, I am focused on healthy eating and heating and fitness in general. I like this lifestyle I am building for myself. However, I have to say sometimes I wish I was more like Jeremy. Someone who could just kind of give into what they really want to have for a night, screw calories. Don't get me wrong, I have done this, often with a few cocktails in me, but there are times when in the middle of the week I want to throw caution to the wind . But I never do. Now I know it wouldn't kill me or make me blow up like a hot air balloon. I realize this now, believe me before I would have agonized. I can't honestly say if I did give in that I would not have any negative thoughts, because they are still there. What I can honestly say is that I know I can eat my "forbidden foods" if I want them, but truthfully now that I am eating healthier and more balanced, realizing how I will feel after eating those foods stops me. Thinking about how I will feel makes me rethink the idea or recreate it in a healthier recipe. This my friends, is part of the intuitive eating process that I am beginning to understand. That I am allowed to eat that food but that sometimes realizing how it makes me feel overall plays a role in the decision to eat that food. I think my nutritionist would be proud.
So, I am pretty glad Dunham made his ginormous fried food and burger feast, it made me understand more about this intuitive eating process I am going through. I know he is glad too by the cheesy burger eating grin on his face!
Yes, I am focused on healthy eating and heating and fitness in general. I like this lifestyle I am building for myself. However, I have to say sometimes I wish I was more like Jeremy. Someone who could just kind of give into what they really want to have for a night, screw calories. Don't get me wrong, I have done this, often with a few cocktails in me, but there are times when in the middle of the week I want to throw caution to the wind . But I never do. Now I know it wouldn't kill me or make me blow up like a hot air balloon. I realize this now, believe me before I would have agonized. I can't honestly say if I did give in that I would not have any negative thoughts, because they are still there. What I can honestly say is that I know I can eat my "forbidden foods" if I want them, but truthfully now that I am eating healthier and more balanced, realizing how I will feel after eating those foods stops me. Thinking about how I will feel makes me rethink the idea or recreate it in a healthier recipe. This my friends, is part of the intuitive eating process that I am beginning to understand. That I am allowed to eat that food but that sometimes realizing how it makes me feel overall plays a role in the decision to eat that food. I think my nutritionist would be proud.
So, I am pretty glad Dunham made his ginormous fried food and burger feast, it made me understand more about this intuitive eating process I am going through. I know he is glad too by the cheesy burger eating grin on his face!
Monday, February 6, 2012
More New Recipes!
Another Monday behind me! To perk up a regular ol' Monday I decided to try some new recipes tonight! On the menu was a broccoli-mushroom casserole from the website of the author of Operation Beautiful. It was relatively easy to put together, just broccoli, cheese, low fat cream of mushroom soup, brown rice and a little milk and egg. Here are the pictures of the casserole construction:
I enjoyed two good helpings and have a good amount to take to a co-worker to try tomorrow. Jeremy tasted it too, again he decided it would be better with way more cheese and way more of REAL cream of mushroom soup. He clearly isn't getting this healthy recipe thing, but oh well. After dinner it was on to dessert.
I found a couple new "dessert" recipes to try over the past couple days. Last night I found a recipe on a website called Chocolate Covered Katie for an "ice cream" made of almond milk, vanilla, sweetener and a pinch of salt. I made a vanilla version last night and it was pretty good over a Vita Top muffin top. I decided to make a second batch of this ice cream for tonight with some chocolate chips in it. Turned out ok, but I liked the vanilla better. If you know me, I am really a VANILLA ice cream girl at heart. Anyway, it wasn't a total loss because I put it on top of the new protein bars I made this evening. I found the recipe for these protein bars while messing around on a health website today. It was pretty easy to make, it consisted of cocoa powder, oat flour, egg whites, protein powder, baby food (yes really) and baking soda. They turned out a little spongy with a light chocolate flavor. Now, Jeremy wasn't a huge fan of these, I think he may have been dramatic and called them disgusting. I think they are pretty good for being protein bars! I put one in a bowl and topped it with my almond milk ice cream and it was a pretty tasty (and healthy) semi-chocolatey evening snack.
I have to say I never thought it would happen but I actually DO like this cooking thing. I like trying the new recipes and sharing them with others. It is really weird to hear myself say (well type) that. I am also making a big effort this week to add more protein to my meals as suggested by my nutritionist. This whole eating healthier business is all easier when I don't fight it, hmph..who woulda thought (right Mom?)!
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| Mixing it all up |
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| Done and Bubbly |
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| Plated up with a side salad |
I found a couple new "dessert" recipes to try over the past couple days. Last night I found a recipe on a website called Chocolate Covered Katie for an "ice cream" made of almond milk, vanilla, sweetener and a pinch of salt. I made a vanilla version last night and it was pretty good over a Vita Top muffin top. I decided to make a second batch of this ice cream for tonight with some chocolate chips in it. Turned out ok, but I liked the vanilla better. If you know me, I am really a VANILLA ice cream girl at heart. Anyway, it wasn't a total loss because I put it on top of the new protein bars I made this evening. I found the recipe for these protein bars while messing around on a health website today. It was pretty easy to make, it consisted of cocoa powder, oat flour, egg whites, protein powder, baby food (yes really) and baking soda. They turned out a little spongy with a light chocolate flavor. Now, Jeremy wasn't a huge fan of these, I think he may have been dramatic and called them disgusting. I think they are pretty good for being protein bars! I put one in a bowl and topped it with my almond milk ice cream and it was a pretty tasty (and healthy) semi-chocolatey evening snack.
I have to say I never thought it would happen but I actually DO like this cooking thing. I like trying the new recipes and sharing them with others. It is really weird to hear myself say (well type) that. I am also making a big effort this week to add more protein to my meals as suggested by my nutritionist. This whole eating healthier business is all easier when I don't fight it, hmph..who woulda thought (right Mom?)!
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Sunday Already?
Here it is Sunday already! How and why do weekends fly by so fast? Oh well, it was a fun one. Jer and I had fun in St. Louis last night. Watched a good basketball game and had fun with friends we hadn't see in awhile. It was a good evening.
I was proud of myself when we went to dinner last night before we went out. We went to a restaurant near Busch Stadium, J Bucks, that has really good food. While looking over the menu I was tempted to get my usual or something "safe". Instead, I went with what I really wanted which was a chicken sandwich. Yes, just a chicken sandwich. But before I would have ignored what I really wanted and had something "safe". But I had my chicken sandwich with some fruit on the side and I was satisfied, full and proud. Having a good dinner also didn't lead to me being a hot mess when I starting having some cocktails. Also, later in the evening when we had some tasty late night snacks, I wasn't ravenous (hungry yes). Funny, it does work.
So, now we are vegging on the couch with some snacks for the Superbowl cooking in the crock pot. We are looking forward to hopefully some good commercials and a good game later. Happy Lazy Sunday everyone.
I was proud of myself when we went to dinner last night before we went out. We went to a restaurant near Busch Stadium, J Bucks, that has really good food. While looking over the menu I was tempted to get my usual or something "safe". Instead, I went with what I really wanted which was a chicken sandwich. Yes, just a chicken sandwich. But before I would have ignored what I really wanted and had something "safe". But I had my chicken sandwich with some fruit on the side and I was satisfied, full and proud. Having a good dinner also didn't lead to me being a hot mess when I starting having some cocktails. Also, later in the evening when we had some tasty late night snacks, I wasn't ravenous (hungry yes). Funny, it does work.
So, now we are vegging on the couch with some snacks for the Superbowl cooking in the crock pot. We are looking forward to hopefully some good commercials and a good game later. Happy Lazy Sunday everyone.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Spreading More Positivity
Rainy rainy day here today. So, I decided to spread some positivity and post another Operation Beautiful note at the gym today. I posted the following note on the mirror in the women's locker room:
I hope ithe not cheers up a stranger's day. I checked the locker I put the note in last week and it was still there. Not sure if anyone used the locker or if they just left it. Either way, knowing I have done it twice now raises my spirits and hopefully others! I got an email last night from my nutritionist analyzing my food diary. I am still lacking a bit in calories, protein and fat, but making progress. Where before I probably would have thrown in the towel at this point because I would assume I would never get better, today I am not. Her email was not negative in any way, but encouraging. She gave me tips on how to keep improving and told me that those points are not the only focus, hunger and fullness are issues to focus on as well. When I wrote her back I explained I would really try harder this week (and longer) to get to these goals she would like to see me at. But I was also honest, telling her that some food still scares me as well as the idea I am eating too much or more than I think I should . She reassured me that eating more would actually do the opposite of what I think (weight gain) and speed UP my metabolism (weight loss). So, where I have known this in my head, reading it again has reinforced the idea and keeps me motivated to keep going and moving forward.
Now, on to the fun Saturday stuff. This afternoon we are heading to my favorite running store in Chesterfield. Then tonight the husband and I are heading to St. Louis for a little staycation . He found a great deal on a hotel downtown, so we are going to go out with some friends, watch the Mizzou basketball game and see where the evening takes us. Emilio is having a slumber party at Grandma and Grandpa's and Lucy is going to have a quiet evening at home with Grandma and Grandpa checking in. Should be a fun evening after a long week! Have a great Saturday and spread some positivity!
Now, on to the fun Saturday stuff. This afternoon we are heading to my favorite running store in Chesterfield. Then tonight the husband and I are heading to St. Louis for a little staycation . He found a great deal on a hotel downtown, so we are going to go out with some friends, watch the Mizzou basketball game and see where the evening takes us. Emilio is having a slumber party at Grandma and Grandpa's and Lucy is going to have a quiet evening at home with Grandma and Grandpa checking in. Should be a fun evening after a long week! Have a great Saturday and spread some positivity!
Friday, February 3, 2012
Whirlwind of a Friday
TGIF again!! It has been one whirlwind of a Friday! Time to go home, have some wine, and enjoy the weekend with my husband. No real plans set yet still, but tonight may just involve some couch time (and takeout and wine) with tomorrow involving more of an out and about evening in St. Louis. Whatever I do, I am motivated ,after all my steps forward this week, to keep on the right track!! Happy Friday everyone! Cheers!!
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Piece of (carrot) Cake
One of the principles of mindful eating is "If you don't love it, don't eat it, and if you love it, savor it." Today, I applied this principle to my life and I am rather pleased with myself! Today a birthday of someone at the office. So, in celebration of her birthday, there was a GIANT carrot cake in the kitchen all day. I saw it this morning as I was grabbing some coffee, and was offered some but passed at that point. But I knew I wanted a bit, at least a taste. So, when lunch rolled around, I cut myself a little piece to try at the end of my lunch. This in itself was a big step. Before, I would have PASSED completely and thought about trying the damn cake all day long.
So, I ate my normal healthy lunch and then it was cake time. I took out my spoon and dug in. The first bite tasted just ok. By the third bite I realized it really didn't taste NEAR as good as I had it built up in my head. So, with that I applied the principle " if I don't love it don't eat it" and with that I threw the rest away. BAM!! Mindful eating and really wasn't all that hard at ALL!
I emailed my nutritionist who was really proud of me. Both for having a little dessert at lunch and second for the mindful part of it all. Positive reinforcement. LOVE.
So, far this week I feel I have taken a lot of steps in the right direction, with healthy eating, trying new recipes and mindful eating. I am now ready for a fun weekend. No plans really made yet, but after the stressful week we have had here with the job changes, I am sure some fun (and cocktails) will be had! But tonight, the pups and I are just going to relax on the couch and watch the new episode of Jersey Shore! Happy Jersday all!
So, I ate my normal healthy lunch and then it was cake time. I took out my spoon and dug in. The first bite tasted just ok. By the third bite I realized it really didn't taste NEAR as good as I had it built up in my head. So, with that I applied the principle " if I don't love it don't eat it" and with that I threw the rest away. BAM!! Mindful eating and really wasn't all that hard at ALL!
I emailed my nutritionist who was really proud of me. Both for having a little dessert at lunch and second for the mindful part of it all. Positive reinforcement. LOVE.
So, far this week I feel I have taken a lot of steps in the right direction, with healthy eating, trying new recipes and mindful eating. I am now ready for a fun weekend. No plans really made yet, but after the stressful week we have had here with the job changes, I am sure some fun (and cocktails) will be had! But tonight, the pups and I are just going to relax on the couch and watch the new episode of Jersey Shore! Happy Jersday all!
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| Chillaxin' together |
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Promotion of a YUMMY Product
I was on Pintrest last week and discovered a new product I have fallen in love with ....
It is called Bell Plantation PB2 Powdered Peanut Butter. You take 2 tablespoons and mix it with about 1 tablespoon of water and voila you have peanut butter! BONUS it is lower in calories and fat, only about 45 calories and 1.5 grams of fat for those 2 tablespoons that go far! I had it on my banana bread tonight and loved it, I also added it to my shake for tomorrow morning. I highly recommend it! I bought my package of it from www.netrition.com but you can also get it from the product website http://bellplantation.com/. I recommend it for peanut butter lovers, which I am. It tastes good, is nutritious and lower in fat and calories, winner!! Enjoy!
It is called Bell Plantation PB2 Powdered Peanut Butter. You take 2 tablespoons and mix it with about 1 tablespoon of water and voila you have peanut butter! BONUS it is lower in calories and fat, only about 45 calories and 1.5 grams of fat for those 2 tablespoons that go far! I had it on my banana bread tonight and loved it, I also added it to my shake for tomorrow morning. I highly recommend it! I bought my package of it from www.netrition.com but you can also get it from the product website http://bellplantation.com/. I recommend it for peanut butter lovers, which I am. It tastes good, is nutritious and lower in fat and calories, winner!! Enjoy!
Another Step In the Right Direction
Halfway through the week! Hooray! And I have taken another step forward in progress in getting rid of this disordered eating and the thoughts that go with it. Today, I had lunch out at a restaurant as opposed to eating in as I usually do. Now, to some this is no big deal, in fact they do it every day. But, for me, while I have been struggling with it has been a challenge.
For some bizarre reason, I developed the thoughts that I couldn't have too MUCH for lunch. That if I DID eat out at a restaurant, I needed to stick with what I knew and what was safe. I had to check out the menu and nutrition facts before I went to be prepared. And when I did eat out at a restaurant for lunch I would restrict some at dinner. Clearly, this is not a normal way of approaching a simple lunch out.
Today, I ate at a bar and grill. I did stick with something safe, a chef salad. But not because I felt I had too, but because I had tried it before and it was good. I had it and ate every bit and it was delicious. After, I did have to talk myself out of some negative thoughts, which I did quickly. Then, tonight dinner rolled around. When that time came, I didn't restrict. This is a pretty significant step forward. I had a good, balanced (and delicious) dinner of quinoa with chicken breast and veggies sprinkled with a few almonds recommended by my nutritionist (picture below!). It was delicious and I enjoyed it with a little bit of good Italian bread. I enjoyed every bite and didn't have any negative thoughts. Actually, I even had a snack of some of my healthified banana bread a bit later. All without negativity. A step in the right direction. Hooray.
So, I am ready to veg out on the couch and enjoy the rest of the evening. Proud of myself for my steps forward. Keeps me motivated.
For some bizarre reason, I developed the thoughts that I couldn't have too MUCH for lunch. That if I DID eat out at a restaurant, I needed to stick with what I knew and what was safe. I had to check out the menu and nutrition facts before I went to be prepared. And when I did eat out at a restaurant for lunch I would restrict some at dinner. Clearly, this is not a normal way of approaching a simple lunch out.
Today, I ate at a bar and grill. I did stick with something safe, a chef salad. But not because I felt I had too, but because I had tried it before and it was good. I had it and ate every bit and it was delicious. After, I did have to talk myself out of some negative thoughts, which I did quickly. Then, tonight dinner rolled around. When that time came, I didn't restrict. This is a pretty significant step forward. I had a good, balanced (and delicious) dinner of quinoa with chicken breast and veggies sprinkled with a few almonds recommended by my nutritionist (picture below!). It was delicious and I enjoyed it with a little bit of good Italian bread. I enjoyed every bite and didn't have any negative thoughts. Actually, I even had a snack of some of my healthified banana bread a bit later. All without negativity. A step in the right direction. Hooray.
So, I am ready to veg out on the couch and enjoy the rest of the evening. Proud of myself for my steps forward. Keeps me motivated.
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| Delicious Dinner! |
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Everything Happens for a Reason
I have long believed in the saying "everything happens for a reason", and this week I am trying (hard) to keep that belief and instill some of it in Jeremy.With his new and unexpected job changes our household has been a little down in the dumps. Jer is disappointed to be leaving the people he has worked well with for so long. I am bummed for him, and bummed I don't get to see some of my friends as often. The whole thing just came out of the blue, and change is hard, this I know, so all I can do is support Jeremy through his changes as he is helping me through mine.
On a happier note, the banana bread that was cooking last night as I wrote my blog turned out pretty darn good (picture below!). Could have used a little more banana but I used all I had. It was mighty tasty though for having no white sugar and no eggs! Jeremy even tried and liked it. He likes his "naner" bread a little gooey , and this wasn't gooey at all, but he still enjoyed a big piece (with peanut butter) tonight. Another success with a new recipe which inspires me to keep trekking along in my personal cooking challenge. I think tomorrow night I am going to attempt a broccoli-mushroom casserole...dun dun dun.
So now it's off to bed to rest my muscles from my good , but tough, workout tonight with Susie. Also, to rest my mind from fretting about my bummed out husband. But, things will work out just the way they are supposed to, this I do have faith in. I have to keep believing the Big Man has a plan for all of us and that "everything happens for a reason."
On a happier note, the banana bread that was cooking last night as I wrote my blog turned out pretty darn good (picture below!). Could have used a little more banana but I used all I had. It was mighty tasty though for having no white sugar and no eggs! Jeremy even tried and liked it. He likes his "naner" bread a little gooey , and this wasn't gooey at all, but he still enjoyed a big piece (with peanut butter) tonight. Another success with a new recipe which inspires me to keep trekking along in my personal cooking challenge. I think tomorrow night I am going to attempt a broccoli-mushroom casserole...dun dun dun.
So now it's off to bed to rest my muscles from my good , but tough, workout tonight with Susie. Also, to rest my mind from fretting about my bummed out husband. But, things will work out just the way they are supposed to, this I do have faith in. I have to keep believing the Big Man has a plan for all of us and that "everything happens for a reason."
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| MMM! So good warm outta the oven!! |
Monday, January 30, 2012
Just Another Monday
Today was another Monday, not a bad one, just a Monday. I had all intentions of trying a new recipe for dinner tonight, but on my way home I just felt pooped out and reconsidered. But, I forged through the laziness and tried not one, but two new recipes again tonight! I am proud of myself for branching out with this cooking thing again!
Dinner was a peanut noodle recipe from my nutritionist Although Jeremy will argue he cooked most of it (he did cook the chicken, and helped watch the noodles) I did my share too. It turned out really good! Whole wheat noodles in a peanut sauce, chicken breast, mixed veggies and crushed peanuts on top. Here's what it looked like before I devoured the deliciousness:
Dinner was a peanut noodle recipe from my nutritionist Although Jeremy will argue he cooked most of it (he did cook the chicken, and helped watch the noodles) I did my share too. It turned out really good! Whole wheat noodles in a peanut sauce, chicken breast, mixed veggies and crushed peanuts on top. Here's what it looked like before I devoured the deliciousness:
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| YUM! |
After this tasty dinner I decided to try a recipe for a healthified vegan banana bread. It is in the oven as we speak and smells delicious. I will report tomorrow on how it actually tastes. But from what the batter tasted like, it should be good.
So, turns out I really like trying these new recipes and food. I know none of it is anything wild, but trying these things are a far step from where I once was. I was once so scared of food I didn't "know" or couldn't calculate. Now, I realize it's about being healthy, fueling my body but still enjoying what I am eating. It's funny how it all comes together more and more as I go along. I figured it would all start making sense but feels good to be making progress. I still have a ways to go, I can't say I don't still struggle at times and have to fight the negative thoughts. But it is getting a lot better, slowly.
Well, the banana bread is near done and ready to be taken out of the oven so I better get to taste testing so I have something to blog about tomorrow!
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Change is the Name of the Game this Year
For not being a big fan of change, I am experiencing a lot of it so far this year. First with my choice to change and get healthier and now, as we found out this weekend, Jeremy's job is changing a bit. Nothing drastic, but he will be working a different schedule and with some new people. We weren't expecting this to happen, but it is and we figure now it is a new chapter in our lives. And like I like to say "Everything happens for a reason". Not to mention now we can attend Cardinals Opening Day! (Bonus!)
Jeremy put me up to a bit of a baking challenge tonight. He wanted some chocolate cookies and wanted then to be similar to my mom's cookies which are his favorite. Her's are always a little thiner and soft and chewy. Mine are good but not as thin and chewy normally. I decided I would try my best to make cookies identical to Mom's and they turned out pretty darn good may I say! In the past, I would never let myself sit down and enjoy a couple cookies, I would eat something "healthier" instead, ignoring what I really wanted. But tonight, when I was done baking I sat down and ate a couple cookies and enjoyed them. I didn't even let myself think negative thoughts about it, and that, feels so good. I may even have some more later if I want because I can, because having a cookie is not a crime! I am finally learning, accepting and embracing that. Finally.
So now onto the week ahead. I planned my meals out so I can try a couple new recipes. I am actually excited to cook! Never thought I would think that. So, here's to the start of another week and hoping it is a good one!
Jeremy put me up to a bit of a baking challenge tonight. He wanted some chocolate cookies and wanted then to be similar to my mom's cookies which are his favorite. Her's are always a little thiner and soft and chewy. Mine are good but not as thin and chewy normally. I decided I would try my best to make cookies identical to Mom's and they turned out pretty darn good may I say! In the past, I would never let myself sit down and enjoy a couple cookies, I would eat something "healthier" instead, ignoring what I really wanted. But tonight, when I was done baking I sat down and ate a couple cookies and enjoyed them. I didn't even let myself think negative thoughts about it, and that, feels so good. I may even have some more later if I want because I can, because having a cookie is not a crime! I am finally learning, accepting and embracing that. Finally.
So now onto the week ahead. I planned my meals out so I can try a couple new recipes. I am actually excited to cook! Never thought I would think that. So, here's to the start of another week and hoping it is a good one!
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| MMMMMM!!! Fresh out of the oven! |
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Sunny Saturday
The sun is shining here today, a little chilly, but seeing the sun again is so nice! The pretty day put me in a pretty good mood as soon as I woke up this morning. My trip to the gym added to my good mood because I finished a five mile run today to make my weekly total this week 27 miles! I am so excited! I finally feel like my ol' running self, but much healthier!!
Well, after my run, and because of the running euphoria I was in, I decided to post my first Operation Beautiful note. I went into the locker room at the gym, after running to change and wrote a little operation beautiful note and stuck it in an empty locker, here is what it said:
I have to admit I felt a little silly doing it at first, but I knew that if I saw a random note like this it would make me smile. And I thought that putting it in the empty locker at the gym could perk up a random stranger's mood if she's feeling down on herself or her body. I hoped to inspire this woman and hopefully let her see she is beautiful the way she is, just like the note says. I have to say after posting it I did feel a little giddy, wondering who would find it and hoping the message was received like I intended! My Operation Beautiful Mission added to my good mood!
We had fun last night at dinner and ice skating. Dinner was delicious, I tried gazpacho for the first time and found it to be well, amazeballs. Jeremy finally got a GOOD meatball sandwich like he wanted and Ben and Jess enjoyed pasta. After the yummy dinner we went ice skating in Forest Park. It was discovered during this point in the evening that the Hawkins children, me and Ben, just aren't meant for winter sports. Ice skating is not something that comes easy or natural to either of us! But hey we tried! And Jess and Jeremy got to go off and skate for awhile, so it wasn't a total loss. We had some cocktails after skating and it was a very nice evening!
Today the husband and I are going to toodle about and do some home improvement shopping. Then tonight we are heading to a delicious dinner at the Oyster Bar in St. Louis, one of our favorite spots, followed by a night out with friends. Looks like my good spirits won't be going away anytime soon.
Well, after my run, and because of the running euphoria I was in, I decided to post my first Operation Beautiful note. I went into the locker room at the gym, after running to change and wrote a little operation beautiful note and stuck it in an empty locker, here is what it said:
We had fun last night at dinner and ice skating. Dinner was delicious, I tried gazpacho for the first time and found it to be well, amazeballs. Jeremy finally got a GOOD meatball sandwich like he wanted and Ben and Jess enjoyed pasta. After the yummy dinner we went ice skating in Forest Park. It was discovered during this point in the evening that the Hawkins children, me and Ben, just aren't meant for winter sports. Ice skating is not something that comes easy or natural to either of us! But hey we tried! And Jess and Jeremy got to go off and skate for awhile, so it wasn't a total loss. We had some cocktails after skating and it was a very nice evening!
Today the husband and I are going to toodle about and do some home improvement shopping. Then tonight we are heading to a delicious dinner at the Oyster Bar in St. Louis, one of our favorite spots, followed by a night out with friends. Looks like my good spirits won't be going away anytime soon.
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