First Long Run!

     I did it! I ran 6.5 miles today and my knee held up and hasn't had many twinges since!! Now, I am not going to lie, during the run today I had thoughts about stopping, not because of any knee pain but because of how winded I was getting. However, about mile 4 my real runner's high kicked in and I felt I could keep going and going and I did. All the way until 6.5 miles were dunzo. I was so elated. I haven't run that far since maybe last May if that! So needless to say that gave me some inspiration to keep going and motivation to keep getting better and stronger.
     I have a Skype session scheduled tomorrow with my nutritionist that I am looking forward too. Not only just to get a little "tune up" in but also because this weekend we are planning to head to Bloomington and last time going there was a bit of a challenge for me. I am trying to look back on the last trip and remember thoughts I had and use these as motivation to keep from going there again. I know I am strong enough and can be in tune enough with myself, I just have to really put that to practice and I am really going to try. I am pretty excited for the trip overall though, as I always have fun up there. Not to mention good eats and cocktails!
     Well, now that Leap Day is winding down, heading to the store as the Dunham household is about outta any food but pasta and some baked beans! Hope everyone had a good Leap Day! Here's to March and real Spring around the corner.
    

Proud Sister

     Tuesday is here and almost done now, seems like the week is flying by! Not always a bad thing especially when it seems to be going smoother than last week for me. Not so much for my husband who seems to be down and out today with either the flu or something along thost lines. Either way, not pretty at our household. I am keeping my distance.
    Tonight that distance involves Dad and I  heading over to St. Louis for an award ceremony for my brother Ben. He is a St. Louis Police Officer. Yes, I didn't only marry a police officer, my brother is one as well. They are everywhere! Anyway, he is being recognized tonight in regards to a scary incident he was involved in last fall. Even though Jeremy and I tease him about getting this award, I am very proud of him. I have always been kind of a mother hen and rather protective of my baby brother. Which is now funny that he is about 6 inches taller than me and much broader. But, I always have been that way with him.  It is funny for me to watch him all dressed up in uniform and doing his job as a St. Louis police officer. Guess I should be used to it by now, he's done it for almost two years, but I am not. Either way, as scary as it is for him to be a police officer in St. Louis City, I can't express really how proud I am of him. He won't ever let me get to gushy so I figured I could put some of it on here, because I doubt he reads it regularly. So, needless to say I may get a little emotional tonight, damn that big sister gene!!
     On other fronts, I realized last night I am kind of slacking in my personal cooking challenge. I have done some baking of new healthy desserts lately. I made some awesome cookie dough balls from the website ChocolateCoveredKatie.com. I recommend them if you are craving something sweet and  healthy! But, I haven't been COOKING much. I am trying to remedy that by buying a new cookbook off Amazon (I'm Jen and I am addicted to Amazon) and hopefully trying some new recipes out of that book. The cookbook I purchased is The Hungry Girl Cookbook. I get her daily emails so I decided to give her book a try! Will keep everyone posted on progress.
     I am still kind of struggling with the body image stuff as another pair of jeans didn't fit how I wanted this morning. But I have been emailing with my nutritionist and she keeps repeating to me that STRESS plays a big roll in this process and the more I stress the worse off I will be. Which I do realize but I am a worrier, a fusser, I stress. But for some reason her teling me pointe blank (for the 100th time) that the stress hormones can interfere with weight and such, it FINALLY hit me. Kind of another AHA moment so to speak. So I am really, really going to try to make an effort to CHILLAX about this. For goodness sake I have "Breathe" tattooed on my wrist, I put it there for a reason when I started this journey.It is supposed to be a daily reminderalthough I haven't been using it much lately. Time to stop ignoring it and get back to business.
     Well, it's off to Ben's ceremony in a short while. Taking the kleenex and the camera with me! Have a great Tuesdsay everyone.

Dancing Fools

     I can't believe it is already Sunday!  The weekends seem to go faster and faster. This one was no different. Yesterday Jeremy did a fundraiser called the Polar Plunge for Special Olympics with some people he works with. Basically they all got in their swimming trunks and swimming suits in forty degree weather and then jumped into the freezing cold water of Carlyle Lake! Craziness! But it was for a good cause and he had funl. He also raised $600 in the process which I was very proud of. After he plunged and changed into warm, dry clothes we had lunch with some of the team members we hardly ever see.  After a quick cat nap at home, we headed out for the evening.
     We went over to St. Charles, Missouri  and went to the Ameristar Casino to see a fabulous band, Dr. Zhivegas play a show with some friends. The band was awesome as they always are and we all boogeyed the night away.  Which happens to be one of mine and Dunham's favorite things to do. It was a really fun evening but now we are back to Sunday! Another lazy one in this household after the busy weekend.
     Tomorrow is the start of the half marathon training. My goal of the afternoon is to put together my schedule, I have been putting it off a few days. Hope everyone had a fabulous weekend and here's hoping the week ahead is a good one!!

Training around the Corner

     Here it is Friday again and I am very thankful!! Phew, made it! I have been waiting for Friday since Monday. However, what is on my mind today isn't just the fun weekend ahead, but also the next eight weeks. On Monday I will start training for the Champaign Half Marathon in April. April 29th to be exact. This will be my 7th (I think ) half marathon. This will be my first long race since my knee injury. I am both excited and a little intimidated.
    Because I am a wee bit OCD and organized , I always have a training plan for these races that I stick to. It makes me feel more in control, shocking I know. But it also helps keep me honest and looking back as I train keeps me motivated during those weeks where I think what the heck have I gotten myself into. So this year is no different, I am scouring the Internet looking up different plans and paces, trying to decide what is right for me. When I visited the Runner's World website and looked at one of the plans there was also a link to some nutrition articles. I decided to click on one. Glad I did.
   I clicked on an article titled "Running on Empty". The article is written by a male runner who talks about his experience training for his first marathon and the disordered eating patterns he developed in the process. The article goes on to talk about issues with disordered eating and runners. Let me tell you, I saw myself and my behaviors in there. In the article the writer states that manipulating one's food and body offers a sense of control and perfection. WHOA yup, that's me. Control and perfection have always been part of who I am, part of my personality. I like to think it has to do with my birth order. But I digress, I read this article with eyes wide, absorbing it all. It discussed that runners often lose weight and think that is why their times improve, rather than other factors such as training and sleep habits. This was me. As was the example of the runner who would do his long runs and never properly refuel and pretty much make himself sick . I wasn't near as bad as the man mentioned in the article, but I often only ate a measly Quaker Oats 100 calorie granola bar for breakfast after a 10 mile run. Then only a Clif bar and apple for lunch. Yes, really I did that. I know, it's not good. I consider myself blessed I didn't get hurt sooner than I did over training and treating myself this way. Guess my knee injury was God's way of telling me JEN treat yourself RIGHT!!
     So, after reading the article with motivating statements in it telling the readers that healthy eating isn't less eating and so forth I feel ready to tackle this half marathon training. I am struggling right now with the food thing, I have been honest about that here in the past few posts. But I am still eating, trying not to let myself restrict, trying not to fuss and trying respect my body. Trying to understand my body is changing, adjusting to being treated better, finally. With the training will come more changes, as I will be running more and there will be spikes in hunger levels. But I will try my best and give it my all to listen to my body and what it wants. Give it what it needs, especially after long runs. Which is definitely not just a 100 calorie granola bar! I am going to keep thinking the healthy eating is not less eating and try to nourish my body.
     I have done enough half marathons to know that I will hit my wall at 7 1/2 miles wondering why I decided to do this. What was I thinking? But this year I will try to push past that point  by thinking that I am really doing this for the healthier Jen. For the Jen that back in July could not run 1 mile pain free. I am doing this to prove to myself that I am strong and  I will overcome these issues I have with food and body image. I am going to cross that finish line proud, no matter what time is on the clock, because I treated my body right. I will know I  did my best and I have come so far and will continue to do so.
 Cheers everyone! Happy Friday!

Turnaround Tuesday and a Little Reflection

     Today was definitely a better day. I left yesterday behind and started over. Work was better and went smoother which is a big plus. Thank goodness for fabulous and fun co-workers! I am still struggling with the body stuff, but again I am trying to breathe and just chalk it up to hormones and all that fun girl stuff. Hoping and knowing it will pass (hopefully soon!) is helping me not to freak out too bad. But thinking and fussing over all this stuff has led me to some reflection.
     When I realize how much I fuss over these (somewhat trivial) body image and food issues I can't help but feel guilty a bit. Why guilty? Well, I think of the precious time I waste doing it, time that my cousin Chrissy, who passed away when she was 17 and I was 16, would have given anything for. She had a very rare form of cancer that she fought with all she had. Even through her most radical, painful treatments she remained positive. When she finally was in remission I remember watching how much she treasured life. She didn't seem to fuss over the fact that her beautiful blond hair had fallen out and she was now bald. Nope, she rocked the bandannas. She didn't seem to fuss over really anyof the little stuff at the time,she seemed so happy to just be living her life as a normal teenager. Unfortunately, the cancer came back with a vengeance. There were no more treatment options, and just weeks after her 17th birthday and her Junior prom, Chrissy passed away. I still remember my Mom telling me the news, trying to process all the emotions was so hard. I remember how sad and difficult her funeral was. The song Amazing Grace will never be the same. It was one of the hardest things to understand and accept, but I know she is watching over all of us and is now no longer in pain. 
     Recently, more and more, when I think about and realize how much time I fuss over this (basically) trivial stuff I think about Chrissy. I think about how she wouldn't be real happy with me for basically wasting time being so down when I should be enjoying life. I should be enjoy being young, being HEALTHY. She went through so much during her illness and treatment. She went through hell and back and  yet she remained positive. Did she have her hard moments, yes, but she fought to live and be healthy. Now, here I am perfectly healthy, yet I fight it. I fuss. I think I look fat, I feel bloated, I think pants fit too tight. I waste and lose precious time fussing over things that basically do not matter. The bottom line is that I am healthy I am here, I am alive. Why the heck not be happy and LIVE my life. Why not let the trivial stuff go? Chrissy would have. Chrissy did exactly that when she was here with us.
     Through all  this reflection I have decided that I really do need to start embracing real life more and stop fussing over the rather trivial parts. I know my body image and food issues are a part of me and something I will always have to deal with on some level. But they don't have to control me like the have, like they do, there is so much more to life. Chrissy taught me that. I need to strive to be and stay healthy and enjoy everyday I have. Even the days that stink, I need to find something positive, something to enjoy. To me, my goal and choice to change doesn't only mean embracing a healthier lifestyle but embracing life in general. It means learning to breathe, being happy, getting healthy and making Chrissy proud.
      Love you Chrissy and I know your helping me along the way.

Just Another Manic Monday!

     I heard this song and all I could think was I hope that isn't how my Monday ends up. But, regardless of what I wished it did turn into a little bit of a manic Monday for this chick. But the good part is at least it is pretty much over! First, a recap of a weekend before I get to the nitty gritty!!
     Weekend was a good time! Friday night we went and visited some great friends , Katie, Mike and their son Brady, at their new house WAY over in Missouri. It really wasn't far at all but I teased her about it some because her family did as well. Katie and I have been friends since we were in first grade, it is so surreal sometimes to be visiting now with husbands, kids and new houses. But, it is so fun and always great to see them. Saturday night we had a fundraiser for Jeremy's boss to attend. We went to dinner before the fundraiser with some old and new friends which was fun. We had cocktails and more fun at the fundraiser. I had some good girl talk with a good friend , Sam, who was so supportive and kind in everything she said. She told me she still reads my blog and just encouraged me which meant so much!Hopefully we can encourage each other as much when we run our half marathon in April! Sunday was a much needed veg day. Love those sometimes. Yes, even me, Ms. Non-Stop!!
    As the weekend wrapped, it was on to this manic Monday. I have to be honest I am really struggling with the intuitive eating and body image thing at the moment. Part of me wants to blame it on "girl time" and part of me thinks maybe it is just a low. I know I am due for a tune up with my nutritionist and have scheduled one for late next week. I am struggling because I feel like my body is not changing at all through my better diet and my hard work. That it is instead revolting a bit or not responding at all. Although I have been reassured I am doing well, it is getting very difficult for me to believe it. Very hard to keep trusting this. Very hard to NOT fall into old habits, the quick fix. But I have calmed some and have vowed to not fall into the old habits. I know those aren't healthy and will not work long term. I believe realizing this is a good step. The staying focused and believing in myself is what I am struggling with most. I told my nutritionist that I know what the intuitive eating phases are and I understand them to a point but I know a part of me is not fully accepting them. She assured me that could in fact be the case and often is because it is scary to fully embrace these concepts. However, I realize that I need to quit being scared and embrace this. So far this process has been scary and eye opening at points, why still be scared? So to take steps in the direction of fully embracing all the concepts, I am re-reading the book I have and taking new notes. Trying to stay positive. I can't lie this is all hard. Very hard.
     On top of the body issues I had going on in my head today, I also had a rather tough afternoon at work. Again, girl time helps nothing, but just had one of those Mondays I couldn't wait to end. And it did. I do tend to fuss some and worry when I have a tough day like today but my wise Mother did remind me to just breathe and let it go. One would think I would finally grasp this concept as it IS tattooed on my wrist. Baby steps. But Mom would be glad to know that  why I did still fuss and worry, I did also sit back on the couch and relax some. Blogging is part of that relaxation for me.
     So, now it is on to Tuesday which is hopefully less manic than Monday. On to re-educating myself on intuitive eating and staying strong through this process. To not let me get me is the goal of not only the week but the goal of this whole profess.

Friday Again

     Friday again and thank goodness. For some reason, the end of this week has dragged on and on! But we finally made it! Looking forward to the weekend ahead. Tonight Jeremy and I are going to visit some friends who moved into a new "big kid" house in Missouri and tomorrow we have a fundraiser to attend. Looking forward to spending time with some friends I haven't caught up with in a bit. Should be fun.
     This week has been really tough body image wise. I am hoping things improve next week and I am trying to be positive that they will. I know I will have ups and downs as I go through this so I am chalking this week up to a little bit of a down. There is no real reason I can pinpoint as to why I am down to fix it easily, so that's why I am just trying to shake it off. So I will do my best because I have been reassured by both my trainer and nutritionist this week that I am doing really well. That encourages me to get through weeks like this and hope and know next week will get better!
   So here's hoping everyone has a fun weekend! Cheers!

Where's the Sun??

     It has been a dreary first part of the week here in the Midwest!! I don't know if that is having an effect on my mood or what, but it is kind of a tough body confidence week for me. I am feeling rather blah (and bloated) despite sticking with my regular workout and meals. Who knows, guess it is one of those things girls go through. Trying to just ride it out and chalk it up to PMS. Gotta love it!
     Our computer crashed this morning, boo! So, the only blogging I will get to do the next couple of days is at the end of my work day until we fix the computer we have or get a new one. Hint, hint Dunham, I really want an Ipad!!!
     On the upside of things I had a very positive (and hard) training session last night with Susie. We talked about what happened Sunday with the scale not moving and she reassured me (again) that I am doing really well and that my diet is really good. She even told me she wished more people, including herself, would eat like I do! That's coming from a professional, guess I can't get TOO down on myself huh? But talking with her about things, and seeing myself improve throughout my workout yesterday did lift a little bit of this funk. I am so thankful to have her, my nutritionist, my husband and the support of all my family and friends when I am feeling WAY down.
     I am going to head home tonight, put on some comfy clothes, make a healthy dinner and veg with Jeremy and the pups. I am going to hope that tomorrow the sun will shine some and my funk will raise a bit. Regardless, I do have a workout scheduled tomorrow and that always helps and it is one day closer to Friday!

Lots of Love... not to get to gushy!

     Today is Valentine's Day. There are flowers, chocolate and balloons all around! I normally don't get to mushy about Valentine's Day but my husband changed that this year. Way to go Dunham.
     What has meant most to me today are the words my husband wrote on the inside of my very funny Valentine's card . He told me, in a short note, how proud he was of me for getting better with taking care of myself, treating myself right and how much he loves me. He had told me this same thing, last night, out of the blue. He hugged me and told me how proud he was of my establishing and continuing my good eating habits. Before yesterday and today, he has never really commented on things such as this before. Mainly because they are normally a touchy subject in our house! But his words meant so much to me last night and today. Especially because this morning I was having somewhat of a down body day, but his words and encouragement lifted me out of my funk. What he said made me realize there is more to life than fussing over feeling "chubby" one day. Thank you Dunham, your love and support mean more to me than you will even know.
     But love and support in this journey hasn't come from just my husband. Good friends have written very encouraging and supportive comments to the blog that mean so much to me. I want those friends to know your words mean so much and really do motivate me to keep going. I also have gotten emails, Facebook messages and have had conversations with my family and friends that also mean so much. The support is unreal, and very touching.
     So, I hope everyone is having a great Valentine's Day and I hope my Aunt is having a Fabulous 40th birthday! If you don't have anyone "special" today to spend the evening with, rethink that phrase. You DO have someone special to spend it with, because everyone is special in their own way. Cheesy I know, but I heard it in a hysterical E-card my husband sent to our friend Casey today and it rang true. So, try to send lots of love out into the world today. Whether it be kind words, a hug, a kiss, whatever, it means something to someone and lifts spirits. Maybe even your own! Happy Valentine's Day!  

Branching Out

     I branched out today. I did it. I tried hot yoga. And WOW what a workout. After 90 minutes in a 98 degree room I was sufficiently exhausted and now am a little sore. It was a good workout all in all and I stretched places I didn't know could be stretched. I think I would be willing to try it again now, today mid-class with sweat pouring from every part of my body I wasn't so sure! But before yoga began, I hit a bit of a road bump in this path I am on.
     Before I went to class today, when I got up, I decided I wanted to weigh myself again. To see if after all this hard work and such where I was. Well, yup, no weight lost. Now I know it's not really that big of a deal (well I can say that now, this morning it was) but it is in a way discouraging. I have been eating really well and correctly and exercising and yet, nothing shows on the scale, nada. Now I know weight loss isn't really my goal here at all, but I was sure I had lost a little. Nope. So I wrote my nutritionist a what the heck email about the situation then headed to hot yoga. By the time I was done (and uber sweaty) I had an email back from her. She was quite empathetic which helped and she told me this isn't a quick process. I know this, yet I still expected something. She told me I was doing everything right and encouraged me to not fall back into old patterns. Reading all this really helped. Especially with her telling me I was doing things right. I haven't really treated my body right food wise in a long time. So, I decided  to put the scale away for the next six months. Why six months? She told me it can take up to that amount of time for all of this to balance out. So, I am going to practice that whole patience thing and leave the scale be.
     What frustrated me about the whole experience before hot yoga this morning was that the number I saw on the scale put me in an instant snit. I was instantly down on myself. Not fun. I felt insecure at first during  yoga.  I compared myself to all the other ladies that walked in. I was just in a very negative place. But, over the next 90 minutes being forced to focus on myself, my body and what it could do, that changed. I began to realize I am getting stronger and I am getting healthier. That this is about health and balance not the number. Besides being physically challenging the yoga sweat-fest was also mentally challenging which is what I needed today.
     So, while I started in a negative place today I am now feeling better. Also, instead of feeling discouraged about nothing changing yet, I am going to keep moving forward. Just the ambition to keep going forward is progress for me, because I would have given up in the past. Not this time. This time like this blog's title I am choosing to change.

I can cook!

     Or, well, I can make a mean pot of chicken tortilla soup in the crockpot! I tried a new recipe I found on what else, Pintrest ,for chicken tortilla soup and it turned out pretty darn good! Jeremy even agreed. I was quite pleased. I have always wanted to try this soup but never branched out, glad I did! Delicious and we have a TON leftover, thank goodness soup freezes well!
     Today was a pretty low key Saturday, just some lunch and shopping around town with Mom. I like those kind of Saturdays! The pups even got to go to grandma and grandpa's and visit with grandpa while Mom nd I  shopped. Although, I am pretty sure all they did was nap.
     Another exciting weekend night of vegging on the couch watching movies. Looking forward to trying out hot yoga in the morning! Wish me luck!

Constructive Criticism

     It is finally Friday night and I am on the couch. Exactly where I want to be on this cold February night. After a long week at work, it's nice to be doing a whole lot of nothing tonight and pretty much all weekend. Have a shopping and lunch date with Mom tomorrow and my plan is on Sunday morning to try hot yoga. I have had a Groupon for some time for it now, but I haven't been brave enough to try it. But I figured carpe diem (or carpe Sunday) and go for it.
    As I was getting ready to write on here tonight Jeremy told me I need to switch things up a little. I am not always a good recipient of "constructive" criticism as he called it. Something in me just takes it personally. I guess because this blog is pretty personal. I also just don't want to get too boring or repetitive, which he said I was doing. He focused on the repetitiveness more than the boring, or at least that is what he said! So, I guess I will start branching out a bit more on HERE too.  I get some inspiration from other blogs so maybe I will look at a few and get some new ideas!
     Now it is time to read some trashy magazines and relax on the couch on this blustery night. Happy Friday to all and to all a good night!

Calories In, Calories Out

     So, I finally put it down on paper today. I wrote it out so I could see it. I calculated my caloric needs per day. Turns out, no surprise here and as my nutritionist warned, I am well under where I need to be calorically. According to  these calculations, with my activity level and age , to maintain my weight I need about 2,300 calories a day. Yes, 2,300. Whoa. Needless to say I am not eating 2,300 calories a day. So, while I don't need to hit this number exactly I do need to increase my caloric intake. By eating more,  both my therapist and nutritionist  have assured me before and again now,  I won't gain weight. Rather, I will gain muscle and likely even lose a little weight. Not that that is a goal for me, but not going to lie, it's a perk for every gal.
     Although I have taken some huge strides forward, I do still hold onto a few fears, I can't lie. I do still fear eating TOO much and clearly my calculations on my calories in are off. So, today's calculations help to lift my fear some. The encouragement of my therapist and nutritionist help a bunch as well. But, most of all, my desire to be healthier, get stronger (not just skinny) and to be comfortable around and with food drives me to put my mind to it and just do it. Not to sound like a Nike commercial. But, anyone that knows me knows that I am a tad bit stubborn, and I plan to use that stubbornness to my advantage in this situation. To not give up, to keep forging on. To be the healthiest Jen I can be!
    

Great News! Great Dinner!

     The Dunham's got some EXCELLENT news today! Today we found out that my father in law is CANCER free!! He had been diagnosed with prostate cancer last May, had surgery in July and has been recovering since. The last PSA test (the test that indicated if cancer is present) was really low, but today it was ZERO!! This is absolutely fantastic news!!
     To celebrate this good news, and the fact that it is American Idol night, it was pizza night in the Dunham household tonight. I didn't mention in my last post about our pizza nights here that Jeremy makes all the crust and bread sticks from scratch, and let me tell you AMAZEBALLS!! Tonight we made my pizza a little differently and grilled the crust up first then topped it with all my veggie deliciousness!! I even added some new toppings tonight, roasted garlic and spinach along with the usual veggies and some light sprinkling of cheese. I even tried some red pepper flakes!It was SO good. It was cracker thin crust and hit the spot!! I ate all but one piece of what we named the "Squirt" pizza. The pups and Jeremy enjoyed the last piece. I can't wait to have this again and add even more new toppings or maybe a new cheese! It is so nice to enjoy a dinner experience and ignore or disregard negative thoughts. In fact tonight, there were none. Another step in the right direction I believe.
    Now after this day of fabulous news and a delicious dinner we are relaxing on the couch watching the Idol contestants try to make it through Hollywood week. Hope everyone is having a fabulous Wednesday as well.

Opposites Attract

     Like Paula Abdul once sang, "Opposites attract". As far as the eating habits of Dunham and I this couldn't be more true! I have mentioned before on my blog that Jeremy doesn't necessarily share an intrest in healthy eating and cooking like I do. Well, that was made all the more apparent tonight. I came home from a tough workout with Susie. He cooked me a chicken breast and I made a big spinach salad with lots of goodies like beans, a little avacado, a little cheese, veggies and topped with a salsa ranch dressing I made. It was quite tasty and filling. Now, Dunham on the other hand. He made himself a 3/4 pound cheeseburger with onion and American cheese. And for his side dish he tested out his trusty new deep fryer and made some french fries and cheese balls. Yes, cheeseballs at home! He was in burger and fried food heaven. I have to say I tried a couple fries and he did pretty good! The dinner experience tonight made me giggle and think.
     Yes, I am focused on healthy eating and heating and fitness in general. I like this lifestyle I am building for myself.  However, I have to say sometimes I wish I was more like Jeremy. Someone who could just kind of give into what they really want to have for a night, screw calories. Don't get me wrong, I have done this, often with a few cocktails in me, but there are times when in the middle of the week I want to throw caution to the wind . But I never do. Now I know it wouldn't kill me or make me blow up like a hot air balloon. I realize this now, believe me before I would have agonized. I can't honestly say if I did give in that I would not have any negative thoughts, because they are still there. What I can honestly say is that I know I can  eat my "forbidden foods" if I want them, but truthfully now that I am eating healthier and more balanced, realizing how I will feel after eating those foods stops me. Thinking about how I will feel makes me rethink the idea or recreate it in a healthier recipe. This my friends, is part of the intuitive eating process that I am beginning to understand. That I am allowed to eat that food but that sometimes realizing how it makes me feel overall plays a role in the decision to eat that food. I think my nutritionist would be proud.
     So, I am pretty glad Dunham made his ginormous fried food and burger feast, it made me understand more about this intuitive eating process I am going through. I know he is glad too by the cheesy burger eating grin on his face!

More New Recipes!

     Another Monday behind me! To perk up a regular ol' Monday I decided to try some new recipes tonight! On the menu was a broccoli-mushroom casserole from the website of the author of Operation Beautiful. It was relatively easy to put together, just broccoli, cheese, low fat cream of mushroom soup, brown rice and a little milk and egg. Here are the pictures of the casserole construction:

Mixing it all up

Done and Bubbly

Plated up with a side salad

      I enjoyed two good helpings and have a good amount to take to a co-worker to try tomorrow.  Jeremy tasted it too, again he decided it would be better with way more cheese and way more of REAL cream of mushroom soup. He clearly isn't getting this healthy recipe thing, but oh well. After dinner it was on to dessert.
     I found a couple new "dessert" recipes to try over the past couple days. Last night I found a recipe on a website called Chocolate Covered Katie for an "ice cream" made of almond milk, vanilla, sweetener and a pinch of salt. I made a vanilla version last night and it was pretty good over a Vita Top muffin top. I decided to make a second batch of this ice cream for tonight with some chocolate chips in it. Turned out ok, but I liked the vanilla better. If you know me, I am really a VANILLA ice cream girl at heart. Anyway, it wasn't a total loss because I put it on top of the new protein bars I made this evening. I found the recipe for these protein bars while messing around on a health website today. It was pretty easy to make, it consisted of cocoa powder, oat flour, egg whites, protein powder, baby food (yes really) and baking soda. They turned out a little spongy with a light chocolate flavor. Now, Jeremy wasn't a huge fan of these, I think he may have been dramatic and called them disgusting. I think they are pretty good for being protein bars! I put one in a bowl and topped it with my almond milk ice cream and it was a pretty tasty (and healthy) semi-chocolatey evening snack.
    I have to say I never thought it would happen but I actually DO like this cooking thing. I like trying the new recipes and sharing them with others. It is really weird to hear myself say (well type) that. I am also making a big effort this week to add more protein to my meals as suggested by my nutritionist. This whole eating healthier business is all easier when I don't fight it, hmph..who woulda thought (right Mom?)!

Sunday Already?

     Here it is Sunday already! How and why do weekends fly by so fast? Oh well, it was a fun one. Jer and I had fun in St. Louis last night. Watched a good basketball game and had fun with friends we hadn't see in awhile. It was a good evening.
     I was proud of myself when we went to dinner last night before we went out. We went to a restaurant near Busch Stadium, J Bucks, that has really good food. While looking over the menu I was tempted to get my usual or something "safe". Instead, I went with what I really wanted which was a chicken sandwich. Yes, just a chicken sandwich. But before I would have ignored what I really wanted and had something "safe". But I had my chicken sandwich with some fruit on the side and I was satisfied, full and proud. Having a good dinner also didn't lead to me being a hot mess when I starting having some cocktails. Also, later in the evening when we had some tasty late night snacks, I wasn't ravenous (hungry yes). Funny, it does work.
     So, now we are vegging on the couch with some snacks for the Superbowl cooking in the crock pot. We are looking forward to hopefully some good commercials and a good game later. Happy Lazy Sunday everyone.

Spreading More Positivity

     Rainy rainy day here today. So, I decided to spread some positivity and post another Operation Beautiful note at the gym today. I posted the following note on the mirror in the women's locker room:

     I hope ithe not cheers up a stranger's day. I checked the locker I put the note in last week and it was still there. Not sure if anyone used the locker or if they just left it. Either way, knowing I have done it twice now raises my spirits and hopefully others!       I got an email last night from my nutritionist analyzing my food diary. I am still lacking a bit in calories, protein and fat, but making progress. Where before I probably would have thrown in the towel at this point because I would assume I would never get better, today I am not. Her email was not negative in any way, but encouraging. She gave me tips on how to keep improving and told me that those points are not the only focus, hunger and fullness are issues to focus on as well. When I wrote her back I explained I would really try harder this week (and longer) to get to these goals she would like to see me at. But I was also honest,  telling her that some food still scares me  as well as the idea I am eating too much or more than I think I should . She reassured me that eating more would actually do the opposite of what I think (weight gain) and speed UP my metabolism (weight loss). So, where I have known this in my head, reading it again has reinforced the idea and keeps me motivated to keep going and moving forward.
     Now, on to the fun Saturday stuff. This afternoon we are heading to my favorite running store in Chesterfield. Then tonight the husband and I are heading to St. Louis for a little staycation . He found a great deal on a hotel downtown, so we are going to go out with some friends, watch the Mizzou basketball game and see where the evening takes us. Emilio is having a slumber party at Grandma and Grandpa's and Lucy is going to have a quiet evening at home with Grandma and Grandpa checking in. Should be a fun evening after a long week! Have a great Saturday and spread some positivity!

Whirlwind of a Friday

    TGIF again!! It has been one whirlwind of a Friday! Time to go home, have some wine, and enjoy the weekend with my husband. No real plans set yet still, but tonight may just involve some couch time (and takeout and wine) with tomorrow involving more of an out and about evening in St. Louis. Whatever I do, I am motivated ,after all my steps forward this week, to keep on the right track!! Happy Friday everyone! Cheers!!

Piece of (carrot) Cake

      One of the principles of mindful eating is "If you don't love it, don't eat it, and if you love it, savor it." Today, I applied this principle to my life and I am rather pleased with myself! Today a birthday of someone at the office. So, in celebration of her birthday, there was a GIANT carrot cake in the kitchen all day. I saw it this morning as I was grabbing some coffee, and was offered some but passed at that point. But I knew I wanted a bit, at least a taste. So, when lunch rolled around, I cut myself a little piece to try at the end of my lunch. This in itself was a big step. Before, I would have PASSED completely and thought about trying the damn cake all day long.
      So, I ate my normal healthy lunch and then it was cake time. I took out my spoon and dug in. The first bite tasted just ok. By the third bite I realized it really didn't taste NEAR as good as I had it built up in my head. So, with that I applied the principle " if I don't love it don't eat it"  and with that I threw the rest away. BAM!! Mindful eating and really wasn't all that hard at ALL!
     I emailed my nutritionist who was really proud of me. Both for having a little dessert at lunch and second for the mindful part of it all. Positive reinforcement. LOVE.
     So, far this week I feel I have taken a lot of steps in the right direction, with healthy eating, trying new recipes and mindful eating. I am now ready for a fun weekend. No plans really made yet, but after the stressful week we have had here with the job changes, I am sure some fun (and cocktails) will be had! But tonight, the pups and I are just going to relax on the couch and watch the new episode of Jersey Shore! Happy Jersday all!

Chillaxin' together

Promotion of a YUMMY Product

     I was on Pintrest last week and discovered a new product I have fallen in love with ....

 It is called Bell Plantation PB2 Powdered Peanut Butter. You take 2 tablespoons and mix it with about 1 tablespoon of water and voila you have peanut butter! BONUS it is lower in calories and fat, only about 45 calories and 1.5 grams of fat for those 2 tablespoons that go far! I had it on my banana bread tonight and loved it, I also added it to my shake for tomorrow morning. I highly recommend it! I bought my package of it from www.netrition.com but you can also get it from the product website http://bellplantation.com/. I recommend it for peanut butter lovers, which I am. It tastes good, is nutritious and lower in fat and calories, winner!! Enjoy!

Another Step In the Right Direction

     Halfway through the week! Hooray! And I have taken another step forward in progress in getting rid of this disordered eating and the thoughts that go with it. Today, I had lunch out at a restaurant as opposed to eating in as I usually do. Now, to some this is no big deal, in fact they do it every day. But, for me, while I have been struggling with it has been a challenge.
     For some bizarre reason, I developed the thoughts that I couldn't have too MUCH for lunch. That if I DID eat out at a restaurant, I needed to stick with what I knew and what was safe. I had to check out the menu and nutrition facts before I went to be prepared. And when I did eat out at a restaurant for lunch I would restrict some at dinner. Clearly, this is not a normal way of approaching a simple lunch out.
     Today, I ate at a bar and grill. I did stick with something safe, a chef salad. But not because I felt I had too, but because I had tried it before and it was good. I had it and ate every bit and it was delicious. After, I did have to talk myself out of some negative thoughts, which I did quickly. Then, tonight dinner rolled around. When that time came, I didn't restrict. This is a pretty significant step forward. I had a good, balanced (and delicious) dinner of quinoa with chicken breast and veggies sprinkled with a few almonds recommended by my nutritionist (picture below!). It was delicious and I enjoyed it with a little bit of good Italian bread. I enjoyed every bite and didn't have any negative thoughts. Actually, I even had a snack of some of my healthified banana bread a bit later. All without negativity. A step in the right direction. Hooray.
     So, I am ready to veg out on the couch and enjoy the rest of the evening. Proud of myself for my steps forward. Keeps me motivated.

Delicious Dinner!