Just Another Manic Monday!

     I heard this song and all I could think was I hope that isn't how my Monday ends up. But, regardless of what I wished it did turn into a little bit of a manic Monday for this chick. But the good part is at least it is pretty much over! First, a recap of a weekend before I get to the nitty gritty!!
     Weekend was a good time! Friday night we went and visited some great friends , Katie, Mike and their son Brady, at their new house WAY over in Missouri. It really wasn't far at all but I teased her about it some because her family did as well. Katie and I have been friends since we were in first grade, it is so surreal sometimes to be visiting now with husbands, kids and new houses. But, it is so fun and always great to see them. Saturday night we had a fundraiser for Jeremy's boss to attend. We went to dinner before the fundraiser with some old and new friends which was fun. We had cocktails and more fun at the fundraiser. I had some good girl talk with a good friend , Sam, who was so supportive and kind in everything she said. She told me she still reads my blog and just encouraged me which meant so much!Hopefully we can encourage each other as much when we run our half marathon in April! Sunday was a much needed veg day. Love those sometimes. Yes, even me, Ms. Non-Stop!!
    As the weekend wrapped, it was on to this manic Monday. I have to be honest I am really struggling with the intuitive eating and body image thing at the moment. Part of me wants to blame it on "girl time" and part of me thinks maybe it is just a low. I know I am due for a tune up with my nutritionist and have scheduled one for late next week. I am struggling because I feel like my body is not changing at all through my better diet and my hard work. That it is instead revolting a bit or not responding at all. Although I have been reassured I am doing well, it is getting very difficult for me to believe it. Very hard to keep trusting this. Very hard to NOT fall into old habits, the quick fix. But I have calmed some and have vowed to not fall into the old habits. I know those aren't healthy and will not work long term. I believe realizing this is a good step. The staying focused and believing in myself is what I am struggling with most. I told my nutritionist that I know what the intuitive eating phases are and I understand them to a point but I know a part of me is not fully accepting them. She assured me that could in fact be the case and often is because it is scary to fully embrace these concepts. However, I realize that I need to quit being scared and embrace this. So far this process has been scary and eye opening at points, why still be scared? So to take steps in the direction of fully embracing all the concepts, I am re-reading the book I have and taking new notes. Trying to stay positive. I can't lie this is all hard. Very hard.
     On top of the body issues I had going on in my head today, I also had a rather tough afternoon at work. Again, girl time helps nothing, but just had one of those Mondays I couldn't wait to end. And it did. I do tend to fuss some and worry when I have a tough day like today but my wise Mother did remind me to just breathe and let it go. One would think I would finally grasp this concept as it IS tattooed on my wrist. Baby steps. But Mom would be glad to know that  why I did still fuss and worry, I did also sit back on the couch and relax some. Blogging is part of that relaxation for me.
     So, now it is on to Tuesday which is hopefully less manic than Monday. On to re-educating myself on intuitive eating and staying strong through this process. To not let me get me is the goal of not only the week but the goal of this whole profess.

Friday Again

     Friday again and thank goodness. For some reason, the end of this week has dragged on and on! But we finally made it! Looking forward to the weekend ahead. Tonight Jeremy and I are going to visit some friends who moved into a new "big kid" house in Missouri and tomorrow we have a fundraiser to attend. Looking forward to spending time with some friends I haven't caught up with in a bit. Should be fun.
     This week has been really tough body image wise. I am hoping things improve next week and I am trying to be positive that they will. I know I will have ups and downs as I go through this so I am chalking this week up to a little bit of a down. There is no real reason I can pinpoint as to why I am down to fix it easily, so that's why I am just trying to shake it off. So I will do my best because I have been reassured by both my trainer and nutritionist this week that I am doing really well. That encourages me to get through weeks like this and hope and know next week will get better!
   So here's hoping everyone has a fun weekend! Cheers!

Branching Out

     I branched out today. I did it. I tried hot yoga. And WOW what a workout. After 90 minutes in a 98 degree room I was sufficiently exhausted and now am a little sore. It was a good workout all in all and I stretched places I didn't know could be stretched. I think I would be willing to try it again now, today mid-class with sweat pouring from every part of my body I wasn't so sure! But before yoga began, I hit a bit of a road bump in this path I am on.
     Before I went to class today, when I got up, I decided I wanted to weigh myself again. To see if after all this hard work and such where I was. Well, yup, no weight lost. Now I know it's not really that big of a deal (well I can say that now, this morning it was) but it is in a way discouraging. I have been eating really well and correctly and exercising and yet, nothing shows on the scale, nada. Now I know weight loss isn't really my goal here at all, but I was sure I had lost a little. Nope. So I wrote my nutritionist a what the heck email about the situation then headed to hot yoga. By the time I was done (and uber sweaty) I had an email back from her. She was quite empathetic which helped and she told me this isn't a quick process. I know this, yet I still expected something. She told me I was doing everything right and encouraged me to not fall back into old patterns. Reading all this really helped. Especially with her telling me I was doing things right. I haven't really treated my body right food wise in a long time. So, I decided  to put the scale away for the next six months. Why six months? She told me it can take up to that amount of time for all of this to balance out. So, I am going to practice that whole patience thing and leave the scale be.
     What frustrated me about the whole experience before hot yoga this morning was that the number I saw on the scale put me in an instant snit. I was instantly down on myself. Not fun. I felt insecure at first during  yoga.  I compared myself to all the other ladies that walked in. I was just in a very negative place. But, over the next 90 minutes being forced to focus on myself, my body and what it could do, that changed. I began to realize I am getting stronger and I am getting healthier. That this is about health and balance not the number. Besides being physically challenging the yoga sweat-fest was also mentally challenging which is what I needed today.
     So, while I started in a negative place today I am now feeling better. Also, instead of feeling discouraged about nothing changing yet, I am going to keep moving forward. Just the ambition to keep going forward is progress for me, because I would have given up in the past. Not this time. This time like this blog's title I am choosing to change.

Constructive Criticism

     It is finally Friday night and I am on the couch. Exactly where I want to be on this cold February night. After a long week at work, it's nice to be doing a whole lot of nothing tonight and pretty much all weekend. Have a shopping and lunch date with Mom tomorrow and my plan is on Sunday morning to try hot yoga. I have had a Groupon for some time for it now, but I haven't been brave enough to try it. But I figured carpe diem (or carpe Sunday) and go for it.
    As I was getting ready to write on here tonight Jeremy told me I need to switch things up a little. I am not always a good recipient of "constructive" criticism as he called it. Something in me just takes it personally. I guess because this blog is pretty personal. I also just don't want to get too boring or repetitive, which he said I was doing. He focused on the repetitiveness more than the boring, or at least that is what he said! So, I guess I will start branching out a bit more on HERE too.  I get some inspiration from other blogs so maybe I will look at a few and get some new ideas!
     Now it is time to read some trashy magazines and relax on the couch on this blustery night. Happy Friday to all and to all a good night!

Whirlwind of a Friday

    TGIF again!! It has been one whirlwind of a Friday! Time to go home, have some wine, and enjoy the weekend with my husband. No real plans set yet still, but tonight may just involve some couch time (and takeout and wine) with tomorrow involving more of an out and about evening in St. Louis. Whatever I do, I am motivated ,after all my steps forward this week, to keep on the right track!! Happy Friday everyone! Cheers!!

Piece of (carrot) Cake

      One of the principles of mindful eating is "If you don't love it, don't eat it, and if you love it, savor it." Today, I applied this principle to my life and I am rather pleased with myself! Today a birthday of someone at the office. So, in celebration of her birthday, there was a GIANT carrot cake in the kitchen all day. I saw it this morning as I was grabbing some coffee, and was offered some but passed at that point. But I knew I wanted a bit, at least a taste. So, when lunch rolled around, I cut myself a little piece to try at the end of my lunch. This in itself was a big step. Before, I would have PASSED completely and thought about trying the damn cake all day long.
      So, I ate my normal healthy lunch and then it was cake time. I took out my spoon and dug in. The first bite tasted just ok. By the third bite I realized it really didn't taste NEAR as good as I had it built up in my head. So, with that I applied the principle " if I don't love it don't eat it"  and with that I threw the rest away. BAM!! Mindful eating and really wasn't all that hard at ALL!
     I emailed my nutritionist who was really proud of me. Both for having a little dessert at lunch and second for the mindful part of it all. Positive reinforcement. LOVE.
     So, far this week I feel I have taken a lot of steps in the right direction, with healthy eating, trying new recipes and mindful eating. I am now ready for a fun weekend. No plans really made yet, but after the stressful week we have had here with the job changes, I am sure some fun (and cocktails) will be had! But tonight, the pups and I are just going to relax on the couch and watch the new episode of Jersey Shore! Happy Jersday all!

Chillaxin' together

Everything Happens for a Reason

     I have long believed in the saying "everything happens for a reason", and this week I am trying (hard) to keep that belief and instill some of it in Jeremy.With his new and unexpected job changes our household has been a little down in the dumps. Jer is disappointed to be leaving the people he has worked well with for so long. I am bummed for him, and bummed I don't get to see some of my friends as often. The whole thing just came out of the blue, and change is hard, this I know, so all I can do is support Jeremy through his changes as he is helping me through mine.
     On a happier note, the banana bread that was cooking last night as I wrote my blog turned out pretty darn good (picture below!). Could have used a little more banana but I used all I had. It was mighty tasty though for having no white sugar and no eggs! Jeremy even tried and liked it. He likes his "naner" bread a little gooey , and this wasn't gooey at all, but he still enjoyed a big piece (with peanut butter) tonight. Another success with a new recipe which inspires me to keep trekking along in my personal cooking challenge. I think tomorrow night I am going to attempt a broccoli-mushroom casserole...dun dun dun.
     So now it's off to bed to rest my muscles from my good , but tough,  workout tonight with Susie. Also, to rest my mind from fretting about my bummed out husband. But, things will work out just the way they are supposed to, this I do have faith in. I have to keep believing the Big Man has a plan for all of us and that "everything happens for a reason."





MMM! So good warm outta the oven!!

     

Change is the Name of the Game this Year

     For not being a big fan of change, I am experiencing a lot of it so far this year. First with my choice to change and get healthier and now, as we found out this weekend, Jeremy's job is changing a bit. Nothing drastic, but he will be working a different schedule and with some new people. We weren't expecting this to happen, but it is and we figure now it is a new chapter in our lives. And like I like to say "Everything happens for a reason". Not to mention now we can attend Cardinals Opening Day! (Bonus!)
     Jeremy put me up to a bit of a baking challenge tonight. He wanted some chocolate cookies and wanted then to be similar to my mom's cookies which are his favorite. Her's are always a little thiner and soft and chewy. Mine are good but not as thin and chewy normally. I decided I would try my best  to make cookies identical to Mom's and they turned out pretty darn good may I say! In the past, I would never let myself sit down and enjoy a couple cookies, I would eat something "healthier" instead, ignoring what I really wanted. But tonight, when I was done baking I sat down and ate a couple cookies and enjoyed them.  I didn't even let myself think negative thoughts about it, and that, feels so good. I may even have some more later if I want because I can, because having a cookie is not a crime! I am finally learning, accepting and embracing that. Finally.
     So now onto the week ahead. I planned my meals out so I can try a couple new recipes. I am actually excited to cook! Never thought I would think that. So, here's to the start of another week and hoping it is a good one!




MMMMMM!!! Fresh out of the oven!

     

Sunshine on a Tuesday!

     Finally the sun came out today! But that being said, today sure felt like a Monday rather than a Tuesday, at least to me anyway! Phew! Glad it is winding down and I have a workout with Susie planned in a bit that I know will perk me up. I brought the cookies I made last night to work today and they got good reviews. So, it really was a success! Hooray! Mom still has to give her opinion but I am assuming it will be the same!
     My goal is to do one more new recipe this week (that could be tomorrow night ) but if not, I am pretty proud of myself that I got through two already. It's funny how not until you really start changing and trying new things do you realize how stuck you were. Just looking back over the past few weeks, since I have really been focusing on getting better, I realize what a negative place I was in. It really is an awakening to go through this, the ups and downs, because I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I know the light is there because already I feel and see improvements in myself.
      So, I guess really my post today is just that if any of you are considering changing something in your life and are scared (like I was) it is so worth it. Really, it is. Yes, you will fail sometimes. Yes, it will be hard and scary. However, when you get even just a few weeks into it and start feeling better about things you realize that it really is worth it. That is where I am right now. I know I will have more downs and ups, but I know they will all get me to goal and all be worth it! So here are to ups and downs and finally some sunshine on a Tuesday!

Here is a picture of my pups enjoying the sunshine today:

A Success and a Step in the Right Direction

     Well, pizza night was a success last night in the Dunham household for both me (with consumption) and Jeremy (with cooking). He was so proud. He wanted to be sure I posted the pictures of the pizzas on here today. I am sure you will be able to note which is mine (veggie) and which is his (LOADED meat). Here they are:

    Look delicious right? They WERE! And I enjoyed every bite! I practiced my intuitive eating skills and ate until I was satisfied, full and comfortable. No uncomfortable fullness afterwards for me, the same may not be able to be said about my husband (he LOVES his pizza). But I was very proud of myself. This was definitely a big step in the right direction, I would like to think I made my nutritionist proud. Also, I had NONE of the negative thoughts, either last night or this morning, that I often had in the past with dinners like this. Again, another step to be proud of!
     After indulging in this delicious pizza, we sat down to watch American Idol. I became semi-disinterested fast. Well, except for watching the video my mother in law sent of her doing the dance one of the contestants did! So, I picked up my "Operation Beautiful" book and read a bit more. The idea last night that stuck out with me was the statement that "our body image reflects much more than our appearance, it reflects how we feel about our lives in general" (p.68). When I read this it stuck with me. I have struggled with this disordered eating and bad body image for about 5-6 years now. Well, with the exception of the last 6 months I had a job that I wasn't completely satisfied with, especially towards the end. I had always wondered if my unhappiness with my job played a roll, and it is pretty darn clear it did. I left that job in July, thank GOODNESS! And today, yes, I am still struggling with this to some degree, but I am turning it around for real this time. Not the half-hearted attempts I made in the past when I had my previous job. I can already tell a difference in myself (and my mom says she sees a change too). My motivation is MUCH higher than in the past to really get well. To learn to LOVE myself, ACCEPT myself, BE STRONG, BE CONFIDENT, to LIVE my life and quit fussing over these insignificant matters. So, needless to say this struck a chord with me and stoked the fire for change a little bit more! Turns out, although change is scary, the changes I am making in both the past year (job) and at the moment are the best for me. Funny, I was so scared of it.