The Choice to Change

I have always been a little scared of change. Changing haircuts make me cry, changing routines kind of wigged me out, that sort of thing. However, I realized today (conveniently also New Year's Day) that no matter how scared I am to change and of change it is TIME to change. I have been struggling with disordered eating for about six years now. I have gone from very restrictive eating habits to now being so confused on what to eat, when to eat, how to eat that I now harbor the restrictive habits as well as at times overeating because I am pretty much starving. There is no balance in my relationship with food, and that relationship with food has more power in my life than it should and more than I want it to. This issue has effected my relationship with not only myself and my body image but with my husband. I have been frustrated before with this issue and have made many half hearted attempts to "change" and rid myself of it, but each attempt only lasted a short while before I fell back into my normal patterns. But recently I have been getting increasingly frustrated with it and realized that what I am doing to myself is not healthy. Despite knowing I have disordered eating and engaging in behaviors related to it, I want more than anything to be healthy and balanced. So, in the past few weeks I have reached out to a new nutritionist who I am working with on intuitive eating skills and tomorrow I am meeting a new personal trainer to help me reach fitness goals. I am an avid exerciser and runner, however, because of the way I treat myself and because I don't fuel myself properly I don't see the results I should or want, and even more recently I injured my knee and couldn't run. While some of it was due to overtraining, and I learned my lesson there, I can't help but think that the way I am treating myself had something to do it. So, I guess all these things combined led me to the realization today that if I don't CHOOSE to change, NOTHING will change. So, no more half-hearted attempts at changing, I am diving into this, no more excuses. Life is too short to be miserable, which I have been in a way now for six years while struggling with this. This is my last year in my twenties ( I will turn 29 this year) and I intend to go into my 30's healthier, happier and more balanced than ever. So this is my path to that healthier, happier, balanced life, all the ups, down and in-betweens. It is scary to share this with whoever chooses to read, but it is also scary to change, so by doing both I really am dedicated to Choosing to Change.